


Underlands Madness Unlocked

by Girl8890



Series: Underlands Madness Unlocked - Alice in Wonderland [1]
Category: Alice In Wonderland - Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland (Movies - Burton)
Genre: Alice in Wonderland References, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brief Gore, Dark Thoughts, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Time, Flashbacks, Friends to Lovers, Kidnapping, Madness, Memories, Minor Character Death, Please Don't Hate Me, Smut, Telekinesis, Underland (Alice in Wonderland), Violence, absolute madness, craziness, mind torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:53:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 33,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29792892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Girl8890/pseuds/Girl8890
Summary: After Alice recovers Hatter's family, she leaves them and returns to Overland. Everyone, including Alice, believes this will be last time she will ever be summoned to Underland. And some have taken that realization harder than others...Until...A new enemy surfaces and Alice is swept back to Underland. But is it for the right reason?This is an Alice x Hatter story. It is definitely a slow-burn, but it will have it's smooch, smooch smut, smut! This story though... is not like the rest. The way their feelings surface was not let out on their own free will. This story contains Mature/Explicit content. There is violence, smut, and overall MaDneSs!So much madness, that have you ever wondered where it comes from? Or more so, is there a way to look into, or for lack of a better word, unlock the madness?
Relationships: Alice Kingsleigh & Mirana of Marmoreal - Friendship, Alice Kingsleigh/Mad Hatter, Alice/Mad Hatter, Mirana of Marmoreal/Knave - one sided, Mirana of Marmoreal/Original Character(s), Tarrant Hightopp/Alice Kingsleigh
Series: Underlands Madness Unlocked - Alice in Wonderland [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2189901
Comments: 5
Kudos: 6





	1. New Adventure

The _Wonder_ is such a gorgeous boat. As I walk across the board to arrive officially on the boat- scratch that, MY boat- I breathe in the sweet smells of the ocean. A whole ocean undiscovered and for me to discover. This is what I've always wanted to achieve. Having a boat to call my own, and finally complete my father's dreams of sailing across the world.

What new lands will we find?

Will we trade enough with other countries to stay a flout?

"Thats the goal," I whisper an answer to my own question.

"What's that?," My mother chimes into my own personal conversation. Oh, my mother. I can't fathom that she is joining me on my next voyage. I've always saw my mother as the most proper in any room. After seeing and _actually_ hearing her scold a lord, Hamish of all people, I felt I could finally let my mother into my world.

"Nothing. Just thinking out load," a smile graces my face. My mother smiles back then walks away to look out upon the sea we will soon sail. She rests her hands on the side of the boat and I watch her inhale the air. I wonder if she smells the same beautiful smells as I do. I also wonder if she's thinking going on this voyage is such a good idea. Just a couple of days ago she wanted to sell the Wonder for me. Not that I wanted her to sell it, no. She wanted me to _move on_ with my life. Become a "proper" lady and marry. Sorry mother, I don't see myself marrying in the near future.

Mr. Fell breaks me from my thoughts with a tap on the shoulder. I turn around and smile once again because I know what he's about to ask me. "Ready to sail miss?"

I turn to my mother but discover shes looking at me. Her blue eyes look brighter in the light. The sun is brighter today it seems. She smiles that big smile of her's that only comes out in certain occasions. I keep my eyes on my mother and reply to Mr. Fall, "Always."

As I go to the front of the boat, it reminds me of the last time I left port from England. When I saw Absolem give his own personal farewell. This both gives me joy and saddens me. Joy because I finally know Underland is safe, the red queen is no longer out to cut off everyone's head, and Terreant is with his family again.

That's where I become sad. Since Underland is safe now, there is no reason for them to call back their champion. Just thinking about never seeing any of them again... never seeing Terreant again...

I will miss them all more than they will ever know, but it is time for a new adventures. A new world to discover. New people too befriend. Even while telling myself this, I can't bring myself to believe I'm okay with never going back. Though it is not an impossible thing, but it is an unbearable thing. The moment I stepped through that mirror and let go of Hatter's hand, a part of my heart fell. Fell deep down that rabbit hole and I don't know if I will ever have it fully returned to me. At least I know that part I left is in a safe place.

I feel the boat begin to move slowly into the water. It's official, we have left port and are sailing to our next adventure. I feel this is a good thing. A grand thing! Nothing can go wrong as long as I have my mother and the _Wonder_.

_Why did you have to jinx yourself Alice?_

That day replays in my head over, and over on a loop. Every thought, every sway of the boat, every, well, everything! Instead of looking back at that day, I wish I stayed there. Now 1 year and 10 months later, were sailing back for my mother.

_My mother_.

Why did she have to come with me? Why did she have to become so ill, so fast? I'm currently in the captains quarters with her lying on the bed. She sleeping, not dead, I know because her breathing is irregular and loud. I'm gripping her hand so tightly I may break her fingers if she doesn't open her eyes. Just once please. Let me see those bright blue eyes. Let me see that gorgeous smile you've been giving so freely. Just... Please. Wake up.

I hear a knock at the door. I sniffle and wipe the tears I didn't even pay attention enough to realize they fell. I straighten my posture, just like mother would tell me to do in this moment, and call out, "Come in."

Mr. Fell cracks the door open to tell me we're about to make port. I thank him and think he's about to leave to man the ship to make sure we reach port. Instead he decides to enter fully into the room, closing the door behind him. "Has she awoken?"

"No. Not even a stir, she's just... she just..." I couldn't finish because actually saying the state of my mother right now is heart breaking.

"I understand Captain. Your mother is strong headed just like you. I believe she will come through."

I would like to say that's reassuring, but it's not. She started feeling sick a couple of months ago, but told me she will be fine.

Just a headache, she said.

Just a migraine, she said.

Just the boat sways, she said.

That went on repeatedly until one day she slept for days on. She slept two days straight, just to wake up and fall back asleep hours later. She hasn't awoke since. I move a strand of hair out of my mother's face to behind her ear. I rub her cheek that has barley any wrinkles. Are people her age even supposed to have wrinkles? No, they aren't, because she's too young in my eyes to look the way she does. This voyage was supposed to be a bright new start for us. And now only less than two years in, we're returning to England way before schedule because mother won't WAKE UP.

Before I could even let myself feel angry, I feel our boat stop. No longer swaying or gliding though the wavs. Mr. Fell must have left at some point while I was in deep thought because I hear him in the distance barking orders at the others. That could only mean one thing...

We've made port.

We're back in England.


	2. Bad Thoughts

She moves into the glass like it's been waiting for her. Like the mirror always knew she would return to it. The moment goes in slow motion: First her feet goes in, then her arm, then her body, then the last thing that disappears is her hand that was once stretched out to me. That was once holding my hand.

_I don't want her to return above._

_This can't be the end._

_She belongs here._

_I just got my family back, now I'm losing... I'm losing..._

I can't even think it out loud in my head. It hurts too much too. Too much, too much. My yellow haired, lass. The muchist of all the muchness in the world. _My Alice_.

Alice has left me for another adventure. Another adventure, that doesn't lead her to come back to Underland. It's not impossible that she could return. The most impossible things aren't even impossible, but I would be lyin' if I thought this wasn't the last goodbye. The final goodbye. The infinite goodbye.

_Goodbye_...

Before I could could go to deep into it, I felt a pat on my back. I turn swiftly and become joyful again with the presence of my family. Oh, my family. I've missed them so much.

There's my father. Mr. Hightopp. The tallest of the few. He smiles, a closed smile, almost always. His handlebar mustache is extra curled to comply with that smile.

My mother. Mrs. Hightopp. Little short thing she is. Rocking on her heels with joy of having her family reunited.

My two brothers. Twins really. Thomas and Terry. Reminding me so much of Tweedle Dee and Dum. That's why I was always fond of the pair. They reminded me of the antics my brothers would always get themselves into.

My sister. Quite little thing she is. Tabby was never interested in the hat business, poor girl. She's missing out, but I missed her all the same.

Then there's the littlest of us all. Little Hightopp we always called him. Though Trevor is not that little anymore. I wonder if he still loves feathers. I love feathers as long as there able to be on a hat. Green feathers, blue feathers, orange feathers, _purple, teal, yellow, aqua..._

"My boy. We're so happy to be back." I shake my head and realized I did it again. Got trapped in the madness. Constantly having to focus to the extrema to keep my mind, _mind_ , No! I will not be doing it again!

"Yes, father. I've missed you all so! All of you so." I smile so big Chessur must be thinking I'm trying to steal his face. Though mine is a lot less fluffy. This is a good thing, yes. My family has returned. The _bloody_ red quinn' has finally subsided. And Alice is off again.

But it is not all a good thing. Maybe a okay thing or, or a very well thing.But not a grand thing. Not a grand thing at all. My yellowed haired lass has left again. My family will be a good distraction. I will keep the hope that she will return again. She has twice already! Why not a third? Maybe even permanently next time!

Two months in, and I'm currently in my space of the White Queen'a castle. Where I work on my hats of course! My father has joined me too. We're using the embroiderer to loop, and pump, and grind away our next fabulous creation. We've made many hats together since they returned to me. Since Alice returned them to me...

I stop churning the handle of the machine. _Alice_. The muchist of all the muchness in Underland. The tall wee boy that has taken up my thoughts since our first tea party. Though she's not a wee boy anymore. No. She's a wee women. A tall, lengthy, yellowed haired women. Always in blue. Always ready for an adventure. Always on my _mind. Mind._

_Mind..._

_The touch of e'r hand against mine. The grace of e'r skin to mine. The beautiful smile directed towards me. The clear eyes focused on me. She left... Left with all her muchness..._

_She left Terran._

_She left Hatter._

_But I need e'r. But I need e'r with me. Next to me. With me. Against..._

  
  


"Tarrant? Are you alright?" My father wakes me from my madness. This has happened quite a lot lately. Luckily someone or something always stops it before it gets to far. It always happens when no one is talking. Always when just one thing leads to... her. She has really pushed a button in my brain this time. Last time she left, I was able to control my thoughts enough to at least work my trade. Able to only have my moments in private. Now they are a constant.

"Yes, father. Just full of thoughts, I am today." I continue to churn the handle again. These thoughts will have to stop soon. Of course I'll always miss her. She's my Alice. But the mind is a fragile thing. I'll be alright soon, I just know it. I smile to myself, and I am finally able to continue my work.

But the thoughts don't go away. They get worse. Thoughts I haven't had in many years. Thoughts I haven't re-opened just because there to _mad_ for me to think. And I'm the Mad Hatter. That's clarification enough.

It's been 6 months now since she departed Underland. And oh, I long for her. Longing is not a thing I do. Miss someone, yes. Want to be around someone, yes. But never like this. I even missed a whole day of work to stay in bed. To just think about her. Isn't that incredibly BONKERS! That's what she would say if she saw me in that moment. Seeing me laying there just weeping my sorrows. Incredibly _bonkers_.

The pain in my heart hasn't gone away in the slightest. I have a hole right on the side of my wee heart that's missing a yellowed haired lass. Every time I think of her, it itches. And do you know how hard it is to itch your heart? Trust me, I've tried. I failed to find a way and never itched that scratch.

While laying in my bed that day, that lonely longing day, that feeling came back. That feeling that makes my heart jump out of my chest. That feeling that makes me only picture one person when it is spoken between couples.

I have thought about this word a lot. Ever since... she... returned to Underland the first time around to become our champion. When she walked down the hill to come straight towards our party. When time finally started to tic again. But my pocket watch was not the only thing that began to tic again. I knew right away who she was. It's the hair you see. It's a part of her I always want to run my bandaged, ink stained fingers through. But this time, it was my heart that recognized her first.

At first I didn't know what it meant. Heart attack maybe. Excitement was another thought. But throughout the day, I realized my heart was beating the fastest when near her. Alice was... Alice is....

_Alice..._

_She's everything._

_She's the best head for a hat._

_The best fit for me._

_The perfect shape to fit into my cracked heart._

_Alice's sprint is breathtaking._

_Alice's muchness is invigorating._

_Alice is my madness._

_Alice's body is magnificent._

_Alice's skin is addictive to the touch._

_Alice is the only one for me._

_The one who curves my madness._

_Alice is the one who I associate that word with..._

_A word I will never get in return._

_That. Is not. Right. Not right t' me mind. I curse t' this feelin. This execution to me brain! That's when I got up, just to throw a near by lamp across thee room. I didn't stop t'er though, no. Books thrown off the shelves, plates crashing into furniture, pillows being ripped in two. I was spinning, an spinning until I saw tat' bloody mirror._

_My eyes were yellow and my under eyes were near black. It wasn't my reflection tat' made me_ _break though, no. It was tat' mirror. Thee' mirror tat' took me Alice. Thee' mirror that made me mind open up again. I made sure to break thee' mirror beyond repair. The shards were everywhere. The mirror was broken, and with that, me mind was t'oo._

I'm not sure who was the one to calm me down that day. Maybe it was Mallymkun or my mother. I'm still not very sure. What I do know is that day started something. Something I couldn't stop. Something inside me that was at bay for far so long. As I sit outside with Mallymkun and the March Hare, I sit quietly staring at the chair Alice once sat in. The chair she was always inclined to sit at. Always next to me.

My companions were throwing cups and singing to each other about how it's their unbirthdays. They don't take notice to me being lost in thought. Maybe it's because it's been happening so often. It's become a new part of our un-normal, normal tea party. A year it has been. A year since the chair next to me has been sat in.

I'm not just thinking about my longing for Alice though, no. These thoughts are dirty, and not right for a place like this. I've been calling them the _bad_ thoughts. The lustful thoughts would be a better description for them. But the word _lust_ and _Alice_ don't mix. What does mix is beauty and Alice. Such beauty that one is. Her skinny fingers are beauty. Her plush lips are beauty. Her clear eyes are beauty. _Her._..

_Her..._

_Alice's...._

I stand from the table, knocking over most likely the only cup still standing, and leave without saying a word. My companions stop singing and watch me leave. Drilling holes into my back. This is different, I know. I usually just keep quite or break my trance eventually to join in the festivities. Not this time though. I can't go on any longer.

I slam the door behind me as I enter my room, not even caring to lock it. No one will come find me anyway. Only Alice would. I drop my trousers and grit my teeth. I know I shouldn't be doing this. I haven't in a long time. Because the person I would associate it with is Alice. And I never want to disgrace her memories with this. But my _mind_ has finally won...

_Alice is beauty._

_Alice is perfection in a non-perfection world._

_Alice's skin is so creamy, and as porcelain as a tea cup._

_What I would give to touch every part of it..._

_To have her underneath me. Begging me to touch her, to feel her. To make her so pleased she would never want me to stop. If I had her, I would treat her like she deserves to be treated._

_I would start by kissing her. Oh, t' kiss 'er! I would kiss her unbelievably slow to capture everyone moment into my brain. Every curve of her lips and every crevice of her body._

_I would glide my hands up and down her body to get every trace of her in-bedded into my skin. I would trace her body like it was a map with a million different destinations. There's many I would like to visit, but one today is keeping my mind occupied._

_I would lift that skirt of her's and strip her of any boundaries. I would prepare her to the point I would be able to glide right in. All the while she was begging me, chanting my name to just join her already. Even in me head I can hear that muchness of 'ers. She would allow me to take her chastity and be one with her. And of course, I would comply happily._

_I would give her everything I got and was able to give. She would look into my eyes, grab onto my shoulders for dear life, and scream so many improper things. And there's nothing proper about this act. I would give her everything to the last moment. The last moment where she would finish all over me. Staining me with all of her. And I would... I would..._

  
  


I gasp out, "Alice!" right at the end. It felt so right. It felt so real. But when I opened my eyes, I'm not in bed with Alice. It was all just a fantasy. A wonderfully, cruel fantasy. I look down at the floor and see my finished fantasy all over the floor. There's so much it some how got onto the window five feet away. I wasn't lyin' when I said I haven't done this in a long time. When I saw the full aspect of what I have done, I fall to the floor onto my knees. I put the palms of my hands into my eyes and start to cry. Cry more than I believe I ever have before. I cry out to my empty room, "Alice! Oh, Alice. Why did you leave me like this? What have you done to me?"

I'm trying to blame Alice on this one, but I know the truth. Even if she did come back one day, I would never be able to have her the way I want. I would never be able to share her heart. She most definitely has mine. I want to spill the love I have for her on a plate and give it all to her to eat. I would give her my physical heart if I could. If she asked, I probably would carve it out of me and give it to her.

Alice is the love of my life.

And I'll never see her again.


	3. Dead Hydrangeas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This contains the thoughts and feelings of Alive dealing with death. If you are affected by death in any way that it makes you feel uncomfortable to read about, please be advised to leave the story. I do like my readers to be in good health :)

My mother is gone.

No, that's not correct. My mother is _dead_. The doctors can't point out the proper terms to use for why she died. Or maybe they just don't want to share the terrible details with me so soon. Her funeral felt to quick. To sudden. To organized. Like Margaret had it all planned out her whole life, just like her wedding.

I’m currently sitting on the couch in my sisters and brother-in-laws study. In front of me are dead hydrangeas that they put out at her funeral a month ago. Dead they are. Dead like my mother, never to bloom again and grace us all with their beauty.

One year and eleven months since I left Underland. One year and ten months, me and my mother were on our voyage. Three months since my mother started feeling sick, and one month since my mother was pronounced dead.

I've just been going through the motions. Just listening to Margaret talk about the estates and finances. Of course I'm not listening to her right now, I'm to focused on the dead flowers in front of me. I've been staying with Margaret since we came back to England. She told me I can stay there until we get the finances figured out and I was eligible to get back on the Wonder.

As much as it pains me to worry about the _Wonder_ right now, I have a promise to keep. Even though my mother is gone, I have a promise to keep for my mother. She made me promise to her, the day she awoke from her first sleep spell, that I would keep going on adventures even if she wasn't around. That I would keep doing what makes me happy. Of course I thought that was bonkers for her to say at the time, but I promised her anyway. And I attended to keep that promise. No matter how much it hurts.

"Alice, are you listening to me?" I blink a few times and look at my sister. She has a face of annoyance at the moment. I guess I conjured that in her since I'm being terribly distracted today.

"Yes, I mean, no. Sorry. Can you repeat what you said?"

My sister inhaled deeply and pinched the bridge of her nose. I hear her say under her breath, "Oh, Alice. What am I going to do with you." It wasn't really a question of course. Just her way of secretly telling me she wants me out of the house as soon as possible. Instead of replying, I sat there quietly waiting for her to tell me what was so important that I had come to her husbands study.

Lowell is currently slouching in his chair, probably hoping for this meeting his wife called for to be over already. If this is what he's truly thinking, then that maybe the first time we agreed with something.

"Alice, we're talking about mother's finances right now. This needs your full attention and it's very rude for you not to listen. It is also disrespectful towards mother for you not to care for something like this." Disrespectful towards mother? _Disrespect towards mother!_ She's lucky I'm having an off day otherwise I would very much be telling her what's _disrespectful towards mother_.

Whats disrespectful is that she announced her pregnancy at our mothers funeral! Or, that her husband was away half the funeral probably snogging another "close" friend. Or, that every time we talk about mother she has the audacity to say she would want me to marry. She doesn't know what mother wants. She never did!

She realizes I became extremely stiff and bows her head. She probably realized what she said was quiet cruel, but of course she will never admit that. She breaths in sharply and finally decides to repeat what she said, "Now that I FINALLY got your attention, this is about mother’s finances, this includes her wealth and estates. She left the house and the ship to be split between the both of us. But I don't believe will be able to keep the ship."

This definitely got my attention now, "What? Why not?"

"Mother has no more money Alice. She must of spent it all while you were away. The company didn't run as well as you both hoped, and with the baby on the way... we need this house Alice. We're going to have to sell the ship to cover all the debt mother has left us in."

"We can't sell the ship!" I stand up abruptly and bump my knees into the table. The dead flowers wobble a little with the impact. "Father left that ship to mother, and mother insured me I would be able to keep that ship for as long as I wanted."

"Mind your tone Alice." _You mind your tone_. "We just can't. There's nothing we can do. And wasn't it you who once said it's just a ship?"

"That was because mother was either going to sell our old house or the ship. I didn't want her to feel pressured into giving something up just for me."

"But now we are all under pressure." I'll say. Right now I feel like a ton of bricks are being pushed into my chest. I can’t let go of the _Wonder_. It’s the last connection I have to my father and now my mother too. My sister realizes my breathing has become irregular and fast. She steps towards me and puts her hand gently onto my shoulder. I look into her bright blue eyes, that match mother's, and feel a little bit better. She smiles at me, but all I see is pity in that smile. "I know how much that ship meant to you, Alice. I'm really sorry I can't do anything."

For the first time, during this whole meeting, I feel my sister truly feels bad about the situation. Truly feels, that she is helpless in a situation. Then she continued talking, "If anything, you can marry into money and be able to go on any ship with your husband. I'll gladly set you up with one of Lowell's friends. I'm sure one of them has a ship."

_That's_ when I lost it. I swatted her hand off my shoulder and looked at her with the most disgust I can conjure into my eyes. She just... did she... did she really just propose I marry into having my own ship?! "What's is wrong with you? I don't know how many times I have to tell you Margaret, but I won't be marrying someone just for their titles and money!"

"Then who, then? Your nearing 26 Alice, soon their will be no one else in England that would want someone at your age. Do you really want to end up alone and sorry for yourself for never being happy?"

"I was happy!"

"When? On a boat full of men just waiting for you to drop your knickers for them?!"

I stepped back shocked and appalled from what she just said. How could my sister even suggest such a thing? I've never even been kissed by another and she suggesting I would fill my ship with men that just wanted me to lay with them.

Margaret has her hands over her mouth. Even she knew she went to far. "Alice I'm so-" But she never got to finish. I was running out the door before she could. I heard her shouting after me, but I didn't want to hear it. I just wanted to get away. Get away from her, away from life, away from everything. As I run, my tears clouded my vision, but I'm too angry to wipe them away.

_Just get away Alice._

_Run._

_Run as fast as you can, and as far as you can._

And that is what I did. I ran, and ran until my feet gave out. I dropped onto the grass and didn't have the strength to pull myself up. Why did this happen to me? My life was nearly perfect just a month ago and now I'm being pressured to marry all over again. How I wished mother was here. How I wished I could just go away with her. Go away to some place where your never subjected to hear what you must do to be "normal."

I did have a place like that once. _Underland_. It's been so long since I let myself miss that world. Right now I wish I were there, so very badly. Listening to Mirana talk to the trees. Running after McTwist to find out what he's late for. To ride the bandersnatch. To see the darling cheshire cat, Chessur’s smile. To play in the garden with Bayard. To have tea with the March Hare, Mallymkun, and the Hatter.

_The Hatter. My best friend. I'll never see him again. I’ll never see any of them again._

I curl up into a ball and cried as loudly as I pleased. No one is around to hear me so I don't have to worry about what's the proper way to cry. My life is done for. At just 26 years old, my life has fallen into pieces.

" _Alice_ ~"

Did I just hear something?

" _Beautiful Alice_ ~"

I did just hear something. With my negative mood set aside, I call out to the voice asking who's there, but I didn't see anyone appear.

" _Don't cry beautiful Alice. Your not alone now~_ "

My first thought is Absolem, but this voice is to feminine to be him. I stand and start walking into the trees hoping to see someone.

" _Over hear Alice. Your so close_." The voice is getting louder, but I still don't see anyone. Not even an animal in sight. " _So close. So close. Your almost there_ ~"

It's then that I go around a tree and see there's a rabbit hole. This rabbit hole is different though. It’s much more, dark? It also has a aura to it. One I can't quiet put a finger on. The voice returns again, " _Your right there Alice. Yes, beautiful girl. Just a little closer._ "

That's how I knew it was definitely the rabbit hole. I lean down to get closer into it. The last time I came upon a rabbit hole, I fell in and feared for my death the whole way down. This time will be different because I know what I'll expect. I start to put my feet in the hole, but before I could prepare myself for the jump two black veined hands grab my legs and pull me through.

I screamed. What else could I do but scream. A wretchedly loud scream. This has never happened before. No one has ever pulled me into Wonderland. And it never got bright. It's pitch black the whole way down. No light at the end, no roots to get tangled in. Just _darkness_.

I shut my eyes for my own security. I know it wouldn't help, but it's my first automatic reaction. Then I felt it. I fell through a roof. A bright white roof, but I keep falling. The ground isn't slowing me down!

WHY AM I NOT STOPPING!!

I brace myself for impact... but it never comes. I finally open my eyes and see I'm floating just above the ground. Maybe a foot from it. Then I'm let go by this magic and land with a 'Uff'.

I'm breathing so fast I can't even concentrate enough to look around. Then I hear it. A voice I know very well, " _Alice?"_

_It's the Hatter._

_I'm back in Underland._


	4. Curious Meeting

1 year, 11 months, 3 days, 10 hours, 5 minutes and 32 seconds have passed since Alice left.

Everyone has noticed the difference in me since that day. Even my family, who haven't gotten to see a good portion of my life, notices I'm less hattery. Always lost in thought. Always somewhere else, even if I'm in the same room as others.

The Queen has called me to her castle, and when I arrive, I see everyone is already there. _Am I late? Have I misread the time?_ I check my pocket watch, inside of my jacket pocket, and see I'm twenty seconds late.

"Your late! So very, very late!" McTwist hops around me repeating. That rabbit is always late. Me being twenty seconds late is okay no matter what the occasion. Though I do respect the White Queen, and she deserves everyone to be on time, but I've known her since she was a wee one. I know she won't whisper a word about me being late.

When I walk into the throne room, the first thing I see is the White Queen standing near her throne. I don't think she ever really sits in that dusty old thing. Her sister Iracebeth, _bloody big headed_ , is trying to stand as closely as she can to it. Even when she tries to be good, she focuses on power almost always. She's trying, I know, but not everyone in Underland has forgiven her just yet.

I spot Chessur and the Tweedles standing in the middle of the room. I waltz my way over to them and nod at both of them. I was hoping to not have to talk to Chessur by standing near them, but of course Chessur has to say something. "Out of the hole, are we? Welcome to the world Terrant. It has missed you."

"Good to see you too, Chess." He smiles his irregularly large smile of his and wisps away. To bother someone else that's worth bothering I bet.

I watch the White Queen count to herself to make sure everyone is present. She then claps her hands together gleefully and smiles that white toothed smile of hers, "Welcome my friends!" Everyone stops their chatter and turns to pay attention to the White Queen. "I'm glad you have all came and have arrived to this meeting. Before we start, I would like to discuss what were to do about the melting of the marshmellow's in Mallow March..."

The White Queen goes on about things going on around Underland. As much as I want to give her my undivided attention, my mind goes other places. The places it always goes. It goes to _Alice_.

Every since the day I opened up to the bad thoughts, it hasn't stopped. My mind makes up new scenarios, new places, new _activities_ that I all want to do with Alice. Like right now. Imagining what Alice would be doing if she was here right now. Would she be next to me or next to the Queen? Would she be giving the Queen her undivided attention or looking around for impossible things? If I know Alice, which I do, she would most definitely be doing the second. The first question, I have my own hopes on the answer.

  
  


_I picture her next to me. Alice and me are oddly close for two friends to be in a room full of people. Our shoulders are rubbing against each other, then I hear her gasp when our fingers linger on each other to long. I capture her hand in mine and rub her palm with my thumb. She looks up to me and smiles. Her clear eyes focus on mine, only ever me. Everyone else in the room disappears_.

_Alice looks around and bites her lip like she just did something scandalous. But it's not what we're doing that she looks around for, it's what she's about to do. She gets onto her tippy toes and leans close to my ear. When she's less then a centimeter away from touching her lips to my ear she whispers, "You have no idea what madness is going on in my head Tarrant."_

_I close my eyes and moan to her whispering my name. It's madding to hear my name come from those lips. I slightly turn to her and ask, “What madness, my dear?"_

_I smile to her a knowing smile. If my mind is going to the bad thoughts at the moment, I know exactly what naughty things are about to come out of that beautiful mouth. She's looks deep into my eyes and slowly opens her mouth to reply, "Hatter-"_

"So, now, who called this meeting?" The White Queen asked the room. That's what brought me out of my thoughts. Didn't she call for this meeting? I got the horseflies message and everything. It nearly drowned in a cup full of tea just to get it to me.

We all look at each other confused and surprised by our Queens question. It was Tweedle Dum who finally said what we were all thinking, "But, your majesty, wasn't it you that called for this meeting?"

"No my dear, I didn't. I got a horsefly message just like the rest of you. It said it was of great importance." She turns to look at her sister. Maybe she sent the message and just claimed herself to be the Queen of Underland. Iracebeth just shook her head and shrugged her shoulders. But if she didn't call this meeting, who did?

Right before anyone else could comment, the castle started to shake. People were sent flying, falling, and frolicking all over. Chessur, cowardly cheshire cat he is, whirlled himself away.

Then, the strangest thing, the roof caved in. In one spot though, not the whole roof. And falling straight through it was... was... a girl. A screaming girl. But I knew it wasn't just any girl. My brain was just taking a minute to let it be believable.

  
  


_It's Alice_.

My Alice has returned! But why isn't she stopping? The ground always cushions her fall. But it's not slowing her down!

WHY ISN'T SHE STOPPING!

Before she fell completely to her end Mirana, the White Queen, waved her hand and Alice froze just before she hit the ground. When Mirana released her, Alice finally falls completely to the ground with a 'Uff'.

I can't speak. Nobody can. She wasn't summoned or conjured by anyone. Even Absolem is flying around the roof confused of the matter. But I don't care of the _how_. No. I don't. Even if it was an accident and all of Underland would soon having flying people falling from the skies, I would still be happy.

_My Alice has returned._

_She's came back to me._

"Alice," her name leaves my lips before I can stop them. She shakes her head and looks straight at me. Her clear eyes focus on me and only on me. She smiles the biggest smile I've ever wanted to see.

"Hatter," she breaths out. I swear on Underland, my heart skipped a beat with the way she spoke my nickname. _If only, she would whisper my real name._ I take a step forward, but Mirana is already next to her. Alice looks up at the awaiting hand of the Queen. She graciously takes it and lifts herself up.

"It looks like our champion has returned." Mirana holds onto Alice's hand while cheering for her return.

Alice laughs at her title. _Oh, I missed that laugh_. "It seems so," she reply's promptly to the Queen.

I decide I need to grab onto my muchness right now and I walk up to her. I smile at Alice as I reach a good enough space between us. A good enough space that I can be without going mad. A good enough space where I can't just pull her into my arms and embrace her because I would if I could.

But it didn't matter how far I was from her. She turns to see i'm closer to her now and wrapped her arms around me. It takes me by surprise at first so I don't react. When I finally realize Alice is embracing me, _touching me_ , I wrap my arms around her. I breath in her, well her, and run my fingers into her hair. So soft. Just like it was nearly two years ago.

Alice is the one that pulls away. Good thing she did because if it was up to me, she would never leave my arms. Never, ever. Alice walks around me to hug and greet all of her long lost friends. I watch her every step of the way. Every smile that graces her face, every laugh that leaves her lips, every word she breaths out. My Alice has finally returned.

_I just hope she stays this time_.

When she finally has given her last hello, she turns to the the room and talks to everyone, "I'm so happy to be back, but who summoned me here?"

Alice looks to Absolem first, "Not me, stupid girl. I would know if I summoned you again." She nods her head in understanding.

She looks to the White Queen next, "I have not, dear Alice. But that also means you have not called this meeting."

"What meeting?"

"The meeting we're all in." Alice looks confused, but granted she'll probably never get used to being told the least obvious of the obvious.

Alice asks one more time, "But if no one here summoned me, who did?"

_"I did."_

We all turn in time to see a women standing in the corner of the room. Dressed in black skin-tight trousers, and a black skin-tight, long sleeved shirt. Her hair was grayed out, but looks like it used to be blond. She is not old though. She looks to be around Alice's or Miranda's age. She leaning against the wall with her arms crossed. Her red eyes are landed directly on Alice. And she's smirking directly at her too.

Mirana gasps the name, “ _Emiliza_."

The girl, that I presume is Emiliza, just smiles bigger. Her eyes never leave Alice. Emiliza steps forward until she is just about to be officially in the room. Eyes always on Alice. "Hello, beautiful _Alice_."

We all turn to Alice, but she just stares back at Emiliza. No reaction at all. Emiliza speaks in a deep, dark voice and I swear her under eyes had popping black veins.

_"You've finally got close enough."_


	5. Permission

_"You've finally got close enough."_

I do know her. She's the one that brought me back to Underland. But by Mirana's reaction, I'm not sure if it was for the right reason.

She steps closer and with that Mirana moves in front of me. "You are not allowed here Emiliza."

She laughs at her. She laughs a crazy, cackling laugh like someone just told the most funniest joke in all of Underland. "Oh, Mirana. Even with that crown on your head, I still see through that head of yours." She opens her arms and walks closer to her, crossing her ancles with each step. "Dear, old, friend. Have you not missed me?" Mirana wrinkles her nose and looks angry, but what I see from behind her is different.

Mirana has her one arm behind her back and it's shaking. Is Mirana... scared? "How did you get out Emiliza? Your mother told-"

"MY MOTHER is a stupid, unintelligent dumb ass!" Everyone around the room gasped at her curses. Not many people curse in Underland. They don't in Overland either, since it would be viewed as improper. And if they did, in either world, it would only be in private with close friends maybe too. "My mother does not control me. In case you forgot Mirana, I know what everyone is thinking. All the time, every time, and definitely Time himself... thanks to you." Emiliza smirked when she accused the Queen of something. It seemed like nobody, but the two of them knew the accusation.

_What was she talking about?_   
  
  


"Emili, we were just children-"

"YOU DO NOT GET TO CALL ME THAT!" The Queen shock with fear. She grabbed onto my hand from behind and fumbled a little by doing so. She squeezed my hand so tightly. I was scared she might break it in the process. Emiliza clears her throat then smiles a uncomfortable, and impropriety timing smile. "Now that, THAT is out of the way.”

With one wave of Emiliza's hand, everyone was pushed away to different places in the room. Who ever flied was stuck to the ceiling, and the rest of them were glued to the walls. Everyone except _me_.

But I could not move. I really couldn't! I was trapped in this spot. Emiliza looked around at all the creatures of Underland being stuck to the walls and ceilings of the castle. And she smiled. After looking at every single one of them at least once, she turned to me.

She slowly walked up to me. Click, click, click the heels of her shoes sounded on the marble, whit floors. She stopped when we were nearly nose to nose. I thought she might strike me or worse, _kill me_. But she do neither. She laughed and started jumping up and down with great delight. She was clapping her hands and cheering, "Finally, I have her! Finally, I have her! Finally, finally, FINALLY!"

I'm shaking in my spot. I keep asking myself finally have what, finally have what, FINALLY have what? But she soon, kinda, answers my questions. She comes back to being extremely close to my face. It's then I see her under eyes have black veins squirming up down her face. Like with each beat of a heart, they move. She makes grabby hands in my face and says, "Give me permission."

"NO!" Mirana yells from her spot on the wall. I look over to her and see she is staring desperately at Emiliza. "Please, Emiliza! Don't take her thoughts!"

My thoughts? What does she mean?

"Why not dear, old friend? You let me have yours. And you know what happens when a Queen gives her thoughts to one like me." Emiliza is moving around like a mad women. I though Tarrant or the March Hare was at the top of the list of most mad, but I think she just took that spot.

Mirana gasps and looks ashamed. She must of just came to a realization. Mirana looks back up at Emiliza and stares deep into her, incredibly deep red, eyes with total determination. Emilizas smile goes away, but now she looks _angry_.

The veins get darker and her eyes get brighter red, “I don't care if it was for the greater good! I don't care what I did _that_ day. _This_ day, I'm telling you I want him back!" She swiftly turns to me. She brings her hand up and then slams in down in the air. With her hand, my knees buckle painful to the floor. I scream out because of the pain and I hear both Mirana and Terrant gasp. Emiliza levels with me and goes back to breaking my personal space. “Now, my _beautiful_ Alice, you. I need you. To give. Me. Permission~”

I can't help but look around. Hoping someone would tell me what this mad lady means. "W-what do you want permission for?"

Emiliza rolls her shoulders and answers me with squinted eyes, "Well, your mind of course." _My mind?_ "Yes, your mind." _Did she just?_ "Yes, I did. But I'm only able to read your outer thoughts, it's the inner thoughts I very much want." She must of realized I'm still not getting it because she started to get more annoyed in her tone "When I'm able to get into your inner thoughts, I'm able to show you things. Show you others thoughts, feeling, and WOULD YOU ALL SHUT UP!" But no one was talking. Does she hear everyone’s thoughts?

"I don't care how scared all are! We get it, big bad villain in the room, but can you all do yourself a favor and CAN IT!" That probably just made everyone even more scared. She didn't really plan that well did she?

I look over at my friends, they are frightened and helpless. My friends didn’t deserve to be tortured like this. I, most definitely, made my decision. I speak plainly and determined, “No."

Emiliza stops her pacing and turns her head, uncomfortably, slow to me. _"No?"_

"No, I won't give you my thoughts. You've done nothing but torture my friends since you arrived here. Why would I do anything for you?"

"Torture, huh? Oh pretty, beautiful, yellow haired _Alice_. You have not even begun to see what I can do to these Unerlanders. No, sweet girl. You want to see torture? I'll give you torture." She brings up her hand and slowly starts to close her hand into a fist. With each movement her fingers make the people around me start to choke on their own blood.

I look around frantically at everyone. People are spitting blood. The White Queen even spits out a good blob of blood and stained her dress red. _Painting the roses red._ This is not the time Alice! But that only reminds me of the Hatter. I look over to him and he's doubled over in great pain. The whole time he's looking right into my eyes. Begging me to stop his pain. "Stop it," I whisper. But Emiliza does not hear me. I shout this time, "STOP IT! Stop this, please!” I feel tears run down my face. I'm to desperate for her to stop that I don't even care.

"Give me _permission_ and I'll stoP." She made sure to pop the 'p' at the end. I look over at Mirana and see she's shaking her head no, but how can I just let her kill them?

"I give you permission!" And it all stops. No more spitting blood. No more dying. Even Emiliza stops moving. Everyone is silent.

Emiliza slowly turns, so slow I hear the squeaking of her shoes on the once cleaned, white slick floor. I thought she would say something, but instead she starts jumping. Running all over the room and howling like a wolf. She's in such delight she even kisses Chessur on the side of his face. He of course is appalled at the action, and shakes her away. She finally arrives back to me and says breathlessly, "At lastttt! Oh Alice we're going to have so much fun. Just wait till I show you my world. Just wait till I show you all the thoughts of everyone. Oh, Alice. Yellow haired, beautiful _Alice_. So much fun! _So much fun!"_

_What is wrong with this lady?_

Mirana is now on her hands and knees still coughing a dry cough. She tried crawling toward me, but Emiliza sees what she's trying to do. She pumps her fist into the air and a dark purple force field surrounds her and me. Emiliza snaps her tongue while wiggling her finger back and forth. "Not so fast, your majesty."

Mirana looks up towards Emiliza. She whispers a weakened, "Please. Don't make me do this. We can't let him out."

Emiliza bends down to get on Miranas level. She speaks to her like she's sorry, but everyone knows she is not, "That's no way to negotiate to someone, who has the best leverage of all to make you say otherwise." Emiliza rises back to full height, and begins walking around the outter edge of the force field. "People of Underland! Thanks to your dear Queen, Mirana, I have access to all of your thoughts. Everything you've ever thought, thinked, or even thanked I know about." She stops when she is front of the Hatter and looks right at him when she says, "Even the _bad_ ones." I watch his eyes go wide and his face become flushed. Why did he react that way? What could be so bad that he becomes scared at her threats?

"And thanks to our beautiful and most loved Alice here, I have access to her thoughts as well. The Queen and her sister knows what I want. Knows what I want back in my possession. Unless you want Alice here to know those deep and character changing thoughts... I would get what I _want_ if I were you."

Everyone is speechless. They all looked scared and beyond terrified of her threats. But what could be so bad? Emiliza bends down behind me and I feel her breath on my ear. I shudder in a distasteful way. She whispers to me, "See Alice. We're going to have so much fun. Just wait and see what the people, you most care about, think of you."

This makes me straighten my back. Is she saying they all think badly about me? I never thought badly about them. Or is she suggesting... that someone... thinks of me dirty. I blush at the thought that just went through my mind. "Don't worry Alice. It will be fun."

She stands back up and speaks to everyone in the room one last time, “Three days everyone. If you've never thought about Alice ever in your life, then don't worry about it. If you have, well, I would get what I want then... Three days." She holds out three fingers to emphasize her words. Then kneels back in front of me and takes my hands. I have no choice but to look at her. And when I do, everything goes black.


	6. Poof. Poof. Poof.

_Poof_. Black smoke surrounds her. _Poof_. She's gone again. Poof. She's been taken from me again. _Poof. Poof. Poof._ My Alice, has left me all over again.

Everyone is scrambling, kicking, and shouting. Even the Queen is rambling to her sister trying to figure out what to do. Everyone, but me. I'm stuck in the same spot I was put in. Emiliza's magic isn't keeping me here though, no. I'm just to stuck in me own _head_.

_Alice is gone again._

_She left again._

_Poof. Poof. Poof._

_But she didn't leave... No..._

_Black witch did it._

_Poof. Poof. Poof._

_She was taken._

_Lost_.

I clench my fits and I swear I felt actual steam come out of my ears. Like my train of thought has finally exploded. Finally decided to go off.

_She's taken her._

_My Alice._

_Poof. Poof. Poof_.

_She went. Taken t' be thrown into thee' madness. Thrown into thee' black witches madness._

_Poof. Poof. Poof._

_But thee' threats._

The stream stopped. Thee' black witches threats played back in me head. _"Even the bad thoughts,"_ she said and started right at ME. Right at me. She knows. _She knows!_

I run over to Mirana and whip her around by the shoulder. I've never laid a hand on our Queen before, but right now I didn't care. The madness has bloomed and Alice has went _Poof. Poof. Poof._

Mirana is shocked by the whip lash. I didn't throw her around to hurt her, but I wanted her attention. "Your majesty, who was tat' witch!" Everyone halted there own madness. No longer buzzing, or shouting, or bouncin'.All eyes on thee’ Queen.

Mirana looks weakened and stressed. She can't get a word out. "I- I-," that's all she says.

I shake her and yell, "WHO WAS TAT' WITCH!"

"Hatter!" Mallymkun yells to me from a few feet away. I wipe me head sharply to her. She’s shaking her head and that’s how I know, I went to far. To far on Mirana. _To far into madness._

I slowly un-clamp my hands for our Queen’s shoulder and remember she is our Queen. "I'm sorry, your majesty," I feel as small as Mallymkun while apologizing.

After a few seconds of my shame, Mirana pats the hat on my head and whispers to me. Making sure I was the only one to hear, "It's alright Hatter. I understand how you feel." I slowly look into her eyes. She had knowing eyes. _She knows._ But of course, she knows! I like to think the Queen is all knowing, but after that... person... took my Alice, I'm not so sure is she is the person to be called “all knowing.”

Mirana is very observant though. Every since my change she's been extra fragile with me. Only asking for hats when needed. Only asking me to work if most important.

"You majesty, what did the witch want?" It was McTwisp that asked this time with his small little voice. Mirana went pale, well more pale then usual, and looked away from him. Declining an answer.

Iracebeth was the one that stepped up this time. Though she didn't ask a question, "Mirana, you must tell them." It wasn’t a demand either, just a slight push. But this also means Iracebeth knows. _She knows too_. Not about me, no. But about the _bloody black witch._

"But Racey, I can't. We swore to never bring it up again. We swore to forget about her.” I look over to Iracebeth and even she looks frightened. Iracebeth can look shocked or even blue, but she has never looked frightened.

Iracebeth steps close to Mirana and pulls up her chin that fell. _A Queens chin should never fall_. "But my sister, I don't believe we have a choice." 

Mirana nods her head and straightens her back. She unconsciously wipes off her dress even though the red stains may never come off. She walks into the middle of the room. Back straightened and chin high the whole time. "People of Underland! There was been a great tragedy here today. Emili's-" She swallows the nickname, “The black witch, Emiliza, has taken our champion. And her threats are real."

The room starts up a rudely loud chatter. All asking themselves questions that no one has answers to. The Queen raises her hand and everyone is silent again. She breaths in and prepares herself for what she's about to say, "Emiliza is a witch, but like no other. She is able to get into your minds deep thoughts if you give her permission. Even the thoughts you've forgotten about."

Chessur wisps his way to in front of Mirana. Finally appearing again since _thee' black witch_ left. "But, we haven't given her persmission"

The Queen looks ashamed again. She knows. But she must tell, “I have," Everyone gasps. "You must understand, she was my-" she hesitates then breaths out, "Best friend and it was a different time..." She stops abruptly. She does not want to continue.

Iracebeth walks up to Mirana and grabs her hand. The Queen lifts up her head and whispers something unable for my ears to hear. Iracebeth nods and continues for her, "It doesn't matter the reason why she gave permission. The reason she's able to get into everyone thoughts is because she gave permission. You all are governed by Mirana and that means you all gave Emiliza permission as well... in your own way."

That's... an interesting way of it. Some may say it makes no sense, but it makes perfect sense to me.

McTwist is the one to ask another question we all want to know, "But your majesty, what does she want with Alice?”

Mirana scans the room. I see anger flash in her dark eyes. "She doesn't care for Alice at all. She wants something we took from her. Something long ago we took and she's never been able to live with giving up. Something we can never give back."

"But we MUST!" It came out of my mouth before I would stop it. We can't leave Alice with her. We just can't. Are we to just give up? "I'm sorry your majesty, Mirana, but we can't let her keep Alice! We just can't!"

"I know, Hatter. And we won't. But I..." Mirana pauses to think. For the first time since Emiliza revealed herself, Mirana looks hopeful. "Unless we trick her. A very nasty trick, but a trick no less." She whirls around and goes to her throne. Walking gracefully and with more peep her step now. She opens up the seat of the throne- how long has that been there- and pulls out a key.

She frolics back to the lot of us and holds out a old, silver key in her hand. "This key will get whoever, and whatever, to the world he's in-" It's a he now? "- We locked him away a very long time ago. He is less powerful now. If we want to bring him back to Underland, and with Alice back to us, we would need to use this to do it."

The lot of us lean in to look at the key. This is the way will bring my Alice back. Back to us. Back to _me_.

I go to grab the key, but Mirana closes her fist around it and holds it close to her chest. "I must warn you, this man has the same abilities as Emiliza. He does not have permission to go inside, as long as you don't give it to him, but he is a nasty trickster and can see your otter thoughts. It’s a very dangerous road to get there as well.”

I straighten my back and look at our Queen’s eyes with all the muchness I can gather. "My Queen, I will do anything to get Alice back."

She breaths out the breath she was holding. She reluctantly gives me the key. She puts her hand on my check and rubs the pad of her thumb over it. "I know you will Hatter. I know your will and the why." _She knows_. "But you must not go alone." She looks around to see if anyone else would volunteer. Everyone looks like they would all say no right away, but after a few seconds, someone does.

"Well, love. I guess you have another champion to call champion," I roll my eyes at Chessur’s ignorance.

"If Hatters going, I'm going too. They need someone that knows how to handle a sword, anyway," Mallymkun announces. I can't help but laugh in my head. Only letting out a little giggle. This makes Mallymkun stare at me with a death a stare.

_Bang. Bang. Bang!_ The bandersnatchs feet hit the ground with each step they take. He licks the side of my face with a big, long lick. I guess that counts him in too.

Mirana looks around one last time. It seems like no one else is willing to go. Then I hear it, "I'll go your majesty!" _My father_.

I swiftly turn in the direction of his deep voice. I step forward while he does as well to join our circle. "No, father you can't-"

He cuts me off firmly, "Yes, my boy, I will go. Do not try to change my mind." I sigh out in defeat. My father puts his hand on my shoulder and gives me a reassuring smile. "My boy, I've always wanted to go on a wild adventure like the ones you always talk about. You can count on me to be apart of this one with you."

This brings me joy even in the horrible situation we are in. I smile a closed smile and he returns the same smile.

"Well, it seems we have our champions!" The five of us all look at each other. We see each others determination. _We got this._ Mirana takes the key from my hand, and goes to a door at the side of the room. She puts the key into the lock, and with some jiggling, unlocks it.

When she opens the door, it shows us a portal. A black and white swirling portal. The portal to our next destination. We all start to step forward, but she puts her hand up to stop us. "Be warned champions, this will not be like our world. There will be sharp turns and bumpy terrain you must cross to get to your destination. And what ever you do... Do NOT let _Ericiza_ out of his cage."

_Ericiza_.

That's the person we are in this predicament about. The person _Emiliza, the black witch_ , took my Alice for. I will not let him out, no. Not as long as I get my Alice back. She nods her head then waves her hand. Coming from above is a small box that looks like it could be used to hold shoes. It floats down until my father grabsonto it. Mirana explains, "This box is able to hold anything and everything. All you have to do is open it and Ericiza will be trapped inside. It will only hold him until you are able to get back to Underland." We all nod our understanding, but Mirana has one more thing to add, "Good luck my champions. Underland is counting on you.”

_No pressure_.

We all walk one by one into the portal. Chessur goes first, then Mallymkun and my father riding on the bandersnatchs back. I hesitate for a second.

_This is bonkers._

_Incredibly bonkers... but all worth it._

_Alice..._

_I'm coming for you._

With that last thought of my yellowed haired lass, I step in. Down the rabbit hole I go. Though the portal I go. _I'm coming for you my love. My Alice._


	7. Something I Want Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little shorten then the rest of the chapters. It’s only because the next chapter is kinda long. I’ll post that chapter soon so it doesn’t feel to much like a cliffhanger.

I feel like I've just been knocked over by the bandersnatch. I have a searing headache. I go to rub my head, but I can't move my arms. But nothings holding me down. Why can't I move them? That's when I _remember_.

_Black witch._

_Emiliza._

_Blood, so much blood._

_Hatters eyes. Those eyes. Painful eyes._

_Mirana's dress._

_Painting the roses red._

_Permission. Permission. Permission_.

I open my eyes. But opening my eyes just gives me have more of a headache. All the walls, ceilings, and floors are black and white. All squares, no windows. I looks down and even my blue dress has changed. I'm now dressed in the same fluffed out dress, but it's pure black.

_Curious._

"I know. It is a headache of a place isn't it?" I whip my head around to see Emiliza. She's right next to me standing and looking around the room. "You see, Alice. This is my world. WELCOME TO IT!" She steps around me so she could be in front. "I made this for myself so I could stop hearing the thoughts of others..." _She put herself here? But why?_ "I'll answer that question in due time-" _Did she just?_ "YES! Now the sooner you understand, I can read your thoughts, the sooner we can have our fun."

Emiliza grows a unnaturally, wicked smile and walks over to me. She bends down and gets into my personal space. She's always trying to get so close to me. She gently takes a strand of my hair and twirls it around her dainty finger. "He's right, your hair is soft." _Who's right?_ "I'll answer that question later too. First, I should make you understand why you are here, and why this is all happening."

"I don't want to understand. I want to be let free."

She stops her twirling and lets her eyes become red. It's then I realize her eyes were originally bright green."It doesn't matter what you want pretty, Alice you. _Alice. Alice..._ " She stalls for a second. She must of gotten corrupted by the madness. She eventually shakes her head then continues, "What does matter, is what I want. Lack of a better word, what I want _back_ to me."

"What do you what back?"

She freezes completely. Blinks a few times then stands up and lets go of the strand of my hair she was twirling. "Something, I didn't realize I would miss so much one day. Something, that I've let go of long ago but very much want _back._ "

That didn't answer my question at all, and I said it to her as so because I knew she would just read my thoughts if I didn't. Emiliza began to pace back and worth while continuing, "You see _beautiful_ , Alice. Mirana gave me permission into her thoughts long, long ago. So I have the ability to read all thoughts, thinks, and thanks of the people of Underland. I have this ability because she rules over all of them. _Thanks_ to you, of course."

She smiles tightly when she says her thanks to me. She must be talking about when I killed the Red Queen's jabberwocky and restored Underland back to Mirana. She must of thought the awkward silence was long enough because then she continued, "And with that, I got the information I always needed. Like how to let myself out of here-"

"But didn't you just say you made this place for yourself?" Emiliza stops pacing. I know it's rude to interrupt someone. But I couldn't keep my tongue from stopping.

Luckily Emiliza didn't care, "I did, yes. But the darkness outlays the light now, you see. And I want out. I want him back. _Back. Back..._ "

Then I ask the question I will soon regret, " _Who_ back?"

She smiles a wicked smile again and answers darkly, " _Let me show you._ " Before I have time to react, she slides onto her knees to get to me and puts her hands to my forehead. My eyes go wide and I stare at the crossed over ceiling. I feel myself get closer to it. So close until...

_I see it._


	8. Sacrifices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is in Alice’s POV. I didn’t want the last chapter to be to much of a cliffhanger so I decided to just have this chapter now. It will go back to being switch POV’s between the Hatter and Alice in the next following chapters. This is all a flashback so it will all be in italics when their in the past.

_I see it..._

_Were in Underland, except everything looks different. Everything looks brighter and there's more homes then I've seen before. It's then I realize we're not in the current Underland. We're in the past._

_I remember this past. I've been here when I stole Times chromosphere. This is before Mirana official became next in line to be Queen. Maybe even before Mirana ate the tarts._

_"Yes, Alice. Beautiful, Alice. Your getting it," I hear Emiliza whisper into my head. I can't move, only see so I can't look around to find out where she is. "Time for us to go into a little story of mine. I must warn you, it's not a very good story."_

_That's when the village vanished. I was now in the room that was owned by Mirana and Iracebeth. But I didn't see Iracebeth. I saw young Mirana and... Emiliza?_

_"Yes! Little tight I was, but that is me and that is Mirana."_

_There both sitting on the ground shuffling and playing with toys. Mirana looks like her same white smiling self but younger. This is when she was a child. Emiliza looks... sane? She's wearing a lilac fluffed out dress, her hair is dark blond and in a high bun. She has a white pair of gloves on and few shinning rings to match her dress. She maybe very young here, but her real eyes are the same. And from now and again I see them flash a little red in them._

_"Emili, I have a question?" Young Mirana asks her companion._

_"Yes, Princess Mirana."_

_Mirana rolls her eyes at the title, "You know I don't like you calling me that. We're friends remember."_

_Young Emiliza looks ashamed. Her checks blush and she shyly replies, "I-I know you don't, but I'm your future hand madden when I come of age. I must call you that."_

_"No you don't. If you are to become my future hand madden, my first order is for you to only ever call me Mirana." Mirana never did like titles. She only prefers to be called your majesty when she’s in her castle._

_Emiliza blushes even more deeply. She starts twirling a piece of her hair that fell out of her bun. “Yes Mirana,” she replies shyly. But she is not ashamed this time. She smiles a girly, happy smile. One I never thought I would see on Emiliza’s face._

_All of the smiles Emiliza has shown me were mad and cruel. This one is different. More like, fondness?_

_"THAT IS NOT THE POINT!" Emiliza, the present one, yells in my head. "Pay attention, Alice. The good parts coming up~"_

_Emiliza, the younger version, looks back up to Mirana. She stares at her for a few seconds then breaths out, "Now. What was it you were going to ask me?”_

_"Oh!" Mirana shakes her head like she was in a daydream. "Your right, I was going to ask you a question." Mirana shuffles closer to Emiliza to be just in her ear shot, “Can you-" Emiliza holds her breath, "Let me see what it would be like if I were queen?"_

_Emiliza is frozen for awhile. She blinks a few times then shakes her head. "Princess, I mean Mirana, no. You know someone like me should never have permission to be inside their head of someone like you."_

_"But were best friends! I trust you, and if anything i'll never be queen. My sister is next in line, anyway."_

_Emiliza stares at Mirana for a fews seconds contemplating, “Why do you want to see that anyway?"_

_Mirana lets out a annoyed huff but answers promptly, "Because I would just like to know. I know it won't be real, but it's still something I wish for."_

_Emiliza nods her head in understanding. She pokes a wooden block a fews times to stale her answer. After a few more pleading looks from Mirana, she finally gives in, “Alright Mirana."_

_Mirana hops up in pure joy. The smile she shows is so bright. Just claps her hands and cheers. Emiliza just watches her with pure fondness. Fondness, that she m_ ade this reaction in her young friend.

_When Mirana finally settles down, she says the words she'll one day regret, "Okay, Emili. I give you permission."_

_Permission._

_Permission..._

The scene whirls away again. I continue to see black and white shapes swirling until a new scene presents itself.

_We're in a new room now, but still in a part of the castle. It looks to be the throne room like present Mirana has. The throne room I once went to when I went back in time. After a few seconds of quiet, I start to hear running heals against the marble flooring. Then, Mirana appears. Not young or present Mariana though._

_"Younger then the present, but older then the young," Emiliza answers in my head._

_That reminds me of the time I tried to explain myself to Hatter, when I went back in time. Oh the Hatter, I hope he’s alright._

_"Don't worry, dear. Will get to him soon enough~"_

_Before I could question her comment, past Mirana shouts, "Please! Stop!" She falls to the ground and holds her hands up. Blocking herself from a strike she presumes will happen._

_Then a man comes into the room. A man that reminds me a lot like present Emiliza. He has short grayed hair that looks like it once was blond. He has red eyes and black veined under eyes. He's wearing all black and his smile is maddening._

_"Mirana. Mirana. Mirana. Little Princess, Mirana." He walks closer to her until he's in her personal space. She tries to crawl away, but the man kicks her in the side. I hear her wale out in pain._

_I try to move to stop him, but remember I'm only seeing the memory, not being apart of it. "Please! Stop this. I'll give you anything you want!"_

_He grabs her hair and lift her up. He whispers a uncomfortably, shilling whisper into her ear, "But you already gave what I want away."_

_Mirana eyes widen. Mine do too. He's talking about the permission into her mind. The permission he already gave Emiliza. He throws her hard against the ground. Mirana curls herself into a ball and begins to cry._

_"You, my dear white toothed Mirana have given away something I should of got. I should of taken. Now that you are next in line, my sister is the one that has what I should have taken." What he said was really confusing, but what I did clearly understand was the word sister._

_He's Emiliza's sister._

_"Yes, Alice. Your getting it. Your getting it," present Emiliza says into my mind._

_"Stop, Ericiza!" That wasn't present Emiliza though. It was past Emiliza. She looks more like her present self now, butinstead of the dark clothing, hair, and veins, she match's Mirana. She wears another lilac dress and her hair is down. She has a few scratches on her arms that are no longer covered. It looks like the arms of her dress were ripped off._

_Past Emiliza stomps into the room and flicks her wrist. The dark dressed man, who I now presume is Ericiza, gets flown across the room. She runs over to Mirana and starts to lift her onto her feet. She whispers something into her ear, but I can't hear it. Mirana freezes and shakes her head rapidly._

_"No! You can't Emili! That will make you just like him!" Mirana tries to shout at Emiliza, but from the kick Ericiza hit her with her voice is weak._

_"I have to Mirana. It's the only way."_

_Mirana just continues to shake her head. Emiliza sits Mirana down more comfortably and then walks to where Ericiza was thrown. He was thrown into the benches, so he was just starting to stand. He dusts himself off and says, "Well that was a fun ride, but I best be on to my plan. Give me Mirana's mind Emiliza. NOW!"_

_Emiliza stares down her brother. She has nothing but determination written all over her face. "I'll give you something better, brother.”_

_This intrigues Ericiza, "Oh? Will you, sister?"_

_"Yes." She walks up to him. She starts to raise her hand to put them onto his head, but at the last second plunges her hands into his chest._

_"No! NO, YOU CAN'T! I will not let YOU!" Ericiza screams._

_"You don't have a choice now."_

_The connection of Ericiza's chest and Emiliza's hands start to glow. A bright, white glow. Slowly the red in Ericiza's eyes lifts away and with that Emiliza's eyes turn red._

_After a few moments of unbearable light, Emiliza rips her hands out of her brothers chest. He drops to the floor on his hands and knees. His back is arching with each big breath he takes. "What... have you... done?"_

_"NO!" Mirana cries from her spot on the ground. Emiliza looks over to her, but starts doubling over in pain. Mirana runs to her, picking up her torn dress along the way. She slides down next to her and embraces her closely. She places Emiliza's head onto her lap and begins he ball her eyes out. Asking her, “why” over, and over again._

_But Emiliza only has one answer, "For you.”_

_This doesn't stop Mirana from crying. This also doesn't stop Ericiza from being filled with rage by the second. He tries to lunge himself at the pair helpless on the floor, but before he could crash into them, Emiliza raises her hand and freezes him mid-air._

_She lifts herself up enough to sit up. "Ericiza Pondering, you are sentenced by Emiliza Pondering to be locked away. Locked away where no one will ever come looking for you. You will never see Underland again." And with that, he disappears leaving behind a faint scream._

_The second he vanished away, a silver key was dropped into Emiliza's hand. She held onto that key for dear life._

_"Now you see Alice," Present Emiliza speaking made me blink a few times. I was watching the scene like it was a play at the old opera house my father used to bring me to when I was a child._

_"I understand you sacrificed yourself for Mirana... but what I still don't understand is what you sacrificed yourself for." It was the truth. After watching this whole memory play out, I still don't get why this is telling me anything._

_"Keep watching Alice," Was Emiliza's only answer._

_I start paying attention to the scene in front of me again. Mirana is still holding Emiliza's head in her lap. She’s crying buckets of tears all over Emiliza, but she doesn't care. She’s to focused on looking over every inch of Mirana's face. After a moment, Emiliza arch’s her back in pain. It's then I see her eyes have become bright red like they are today. Her hair begins to fade into a gray. All while she changes, Mirana is screaming at her, “Stop changing!"   
_

_“Mirana. Beautiful, Mirana.” Emiliza rubs Mirana’s cheek and looks like it’s the most softest thing she ever felt. “I have to go," She says softly and forces the key into Mirana's hands._

_Mirana looks at it quickly then back to her friend, "What? Where? Why?"_

_Emiliza laughs at her friends sporadic mumbling. "I can't tell you the where. But I will tell you the why. If I stay here, I'll become just like Ericiza. And since I have permission into your head, when you become Queen of Underland, I'll be able read everyone’s minds. Now that my lights gone, if I get strong enough..." This the part I mentally lean in for, "I can break everyone’s minds beyond repair. Break everyone past madness."_

_"But, you wouldn't do that! You wouldn't!"_

_"She won't want to now, but she will eventually.” Mirana and Emiliza both turn to the front of the room. Their I see a older lady wearing a green and yellow embroidered dress. Her hair is grayed out, but I can still see the hints of blonde coming through._

_"Mother?" Emiliza calls out._

_"You were very brave my child-" She kneels down in front of Emiliza, "But you know what you must do. It won't hold you forever, but just until there's a way to bring back your light."_

_Mirana asks the same question I would ask, "What light?"_

_"Every person has a light in them, but also a darkness. Her brother was born without his light. And with no happy dreams or thoughts in mind, all he wanted to do was destroy everything. We kept him in a prison world as long as we could, but just like I said to Emiliza, she won't be able to get out till there's a way for her to be stopped. Emiliza put her light into him-" That explains the unbearable light, "-And now he is not as powerful as he once was. You know what you must do, my child. Before the darkness fully overcomes your fading light."_

_Emiliza nods her head while Mirana just continues to cry in suffering. Suffering for her dearest friend having to go. Emiliza slowly sits up and puts her hand out facing the floor. The castle floors start to open up and a hole, like a rabbit hole, opens. Emiliza starts to wiggle her way into the hole. She looks over at her dearest friend one last time._

_She opens her mouth to say something, but then thinks differently. She decides on the right words to us after a few seconds, "Goodbye Mirana... I'll always watch after you." With those final words she goes down, down the rabbit hole she goes. And with that the swirls take up my vision once again._

Instead of a new scene, I see we're back in the place that I now know is Emiliza's world. A world she created to keep herself from hurting the people she cares for. The people she is now out to destroy.

"You see, Alice. I wasn't always this bad," She spins around like I'll be able to magically see the difference in this Emiliza and the past one.

Even after her showing me everything, I still had so many questions. "If you brought yourself here to not hurt the people of Underland, then why are you doing it now?"

She cackles a couple times then speaks to me like it's obvious, "Come on Alice. You did see my brother right? It comes with the telekinetic gene. If we don't have your light, all you want to do is destroy, well, Everything." She slaps her knee like she just mad a hilarious joke.

I didn't think it was funny at all. I think that's the worst thing I could have ever heard come out of someone's mouth. My anger bubbles up to the surface, "IF YOU WANT TO HURT UNDERLAND SO BAD, then WHY drag me here and keep me captive? Can't you just get it over with one flick of the wrist? Or are not that powerful?"

I knew I was playing with fire, but this mad lady was driving me over the edge of sanity. I think she's going to have a come back of her own, but she doesn't say anything. Just stands there and smiles her wicked smile.

The awkward silence goes on so long, I start to hear my breathing. Then...Emiliza starts to laugh. Laugh, and laugh she went until she doubled over onto the ground. She was holding her stomach and cackling the whole time. After about about 5 minutes of just hearing her laugh, she jumps up and runs over to me. Right back to invading my personal space. "Oh, Alice. _Beautiful_ , Alice. Youuu! Ho, ho! Still don't get it!"

_What is there to get?_

"I'll tell you what there is to get! Why break the people of Underland's minds alone, when I can break the minds of the people of Underland’s with the person who started this."

  
  


_Oh no._

_She doesn't mean..._

  
  


"YES! I do mean it." I close my eyes because I can't close my ears. I know what she's about to say, but don't want to hear it. "I want Ericiza back... And you'll be the way I get him."


	9. Glass Ground

I swished and whirled all around going through the portal. It was quite a headache. When I finally stepped all the way though, my jaw dropped.

It was a complete wasteland. Nothing but dirt and some nearly dusted bones. Not a creature in sight, but some old crows. They perched themselves on top of the large towers. Towers so high they went past the clouds that are better described as high fog. Each tower was at least a mile apart. Each step we took the ground sounded like breaking glass. Like the ground hasn't been walked upon in decades.

As we walk closer to the towers, we were all fully determined for this victory. I couldn't help myself but worry though. Worry for Alice. Worry for what that _bloody black witch_ will show her. I start to slow and wonder about all the times I ever did wonder about Alice.

Everything I thought, thinked, and thanked about her. My heart starts beating incredibly fast. I feel it's about to jump out of my chest and run.

_This isn't good._

_So very not good._

I never even imagined myself _telling_ Alice about my feeling for her. And I most definitely didn't imagine myself telling her **what** I think about when I imagine her. All the times my mind drifted to her and made up new things. New words. New activities. New places. New, just... NEW.

I want it all with her. I want all the things I can have with her. But I'm not worthy of any of it with her. She's too innocent. Too perfect to be involved with me in any of my thoughts. And it's not just the bad thoughts I worry about. It's the _feelings_ involved.

"Hatter, are you alright?" Mallymkun asks me from on the back of the bandersnatch. She slides off and lands onto my hat. She always loved riding by hat. It is the best way to travel, you know?

"I'm-I'm alright. Thank you." She knows I'm lying. She also knows my feelings for Alice. She doesn't know the _details_ of how far my love for her goes, but she does know the _feelings_. She was the first to admit it to me. She went on to tell me it was least obvious, of the obvious. And that just told me my feelings for Alice were very obvious.

"I don't believe you. You can talk to me, chap. I won't strike you if it's bad. "

I sign with understanding. I should talk to someone, you know? Better then talking to myself or letting my brain do all the wondering it likes to do. "It's Alice."

And that's all Mallymkun needed to hear to know what I'm thinking. "Alice will understand Tarrant. She will understand this isn't the way you wanted her to know.”

"It's how she will know," I raised my voice a little. I don't want to shout at her, but this is the truth. "I also never wanted her to know. She's too perfect for a hatter like me."

That's when Mallymkun jumped from my hat and onto my shoulder to try to look me directly in the eyes, well eye really. "Perfect or not Hatter, she will understand. And I never want to hear you say she would not feel the same because of your trade AGAIN. Do you hear me?"

I nod my head in understanding, but it is still the truth in my eyes, ears, nose, and the rest of me. Alice deserves someone that she will be able to go back to Overland to. If she decides, to go back of course. But even if she stays, she deserves someone that would be able to have enough muchness to tell her how they feel.

When I don't reply to Mallymkun, she decides to add another point, "Your not the only one worrying about what Alice will find out, you know? I didn't exactly... care for Alice when I first formally met her. Always saying cat. I used to hate that word. I used to hate it very, very much."

I guess Chessur was ease dropping because he then whirlled his way next to us. "Oh yes, I remember those days. You were such a scaredy-CAT-" He brought out his claws to try and scare Mallymkun, "Now you and I are lads, ain't we?"Chessur’s stretched his smile further. His question wasn’t exactly a question but a statement.

Mallymkun blows out air like she thinks the prospect of them being friends is ridiculous. "No! Now I just see you as a big, fat fur ball!" She tried to make the insult sting, but all he did was laugh. We all knew the truth. Even though Chessur and Mallymkun don't see eye-to-eye, they are friends.

"Hey, my boy! Look at this." My father yells out to me and breaks our conversation. We find him in front of one of the tower doors. I think it's going to be Ericiza, but it's someone much worse.

_Knave_ , it reads in black letters. The cruel and heartless bugger. But he's dead, I was there when we found his bones. "That doesn't make any sense... does it?" Mallymkun asks to no one in particular.

It was me who decided to answer, the only answer that it really could be, "Even the things that don't make scenes, make senses." And we left it at that.

We continue our walk looking at each tower’s name. We're looking for one name, but none of them say the one we need.

There is Molly the Muncher, Jill the Jack Slayer, Jafar the Ruler, Eximust the Executioner, but no _Ericiza_.

I feel were all about to give up until we get to the last one. It's the last tower until we go over a cliff. A cliff that seems like the fall is to far for there to be a stopping point. Right on the front of the tower with bold, black scratched up letters reads: _Ericiza_.

_We found it Alice._

I know she can't hear my thoughts. She may not even hear me if I say it out loud, but I couldn’t help it. We're one step away from bringing her back to us. Back to _me._

My father is about to turn the handle of the door, but then... we hear it. It sounds like the glass ground again, but none of us are moving. It's getting faster, and faster until we see it. Well, more like hit into it.

A giant beast that looks like a bandersnatch from first glance topples us all over. I nearly fall off the ledge of the cliff in the process. The beats stands in front of the door and gives a great roar. That's when I realize it doesn't just look like a bandersnatch, it is a bandersnatch.

Our bandersnatch roars back and scratch’s the ground with its feet, preparing to run full force. They both start to run at the same time until they crash into each other. There's clawing, biting, and scratching. There was only a few points where I didn't know which was which. A few moments into the battle our bandersnatch, hopefully, scratched the other ones eye right out. The other bandersnatch backs up in pain, holding it's now missing eye.

I was paying attention to the battle so closely, I didn't see my father right behind the falling bandersnatch. My father tries to run away, but the other bandersnatch falls right onto him before he could. "Father!" I yell to him.

That’s when our bandersnatch grabs ahold of the other bandersnatchs neck. He whirls the beast around, and around. Then he finally lets go when it's in the direction of the cliff. The other bandersnatch is now falling to its _death_. Roaring all the way down.

I don't hesitate, I run to my father as fast as I can. He's laying there with not a scratch on him, but his arm is definitely broken. He sits up and says, "I'm fine, I'm fine, it's just a sprain."

Mallymkun walks over and pokes his wounded arm. My father yells out in pain and clutches his arm close to him. "Yup. Just a sprain alright," Mallymkun sarcastically says to him.

_This isn't good._

_So very not good_.

I look at my father in so much pain. Then I look over at bandersnatch and see he's bloody and can barely walk. That when I make a decision. I know it won't end well, but it must be done. "You and bandersnatch are staying here."

My father wipes his head around to me. Appalled by my decision. That's when I know, we're going to get into another fight.


	10. What Kind of Game?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before you read this chapter, I want to explain a few things first. Unlike the last chapter that had a flashback in it, this chapter is different. Anytime you read a full paragraph in italics, it's the beginning of a new persons perspective. For any of the further chapters in Alice's POV, it will be like this. I'll always add in a few hints of who it is and have "Emiliza" say who it is to try to make it less confusing.
> 
> I will also be including scenes from the movies and books from the authors Lewis Carroll, Teresa Valenzuela, and Tim Burton. Even though Alice in Wonderland is public domain and anyone can create a story from it, I won't be stealing any of the authors/writer's ideas. I won't be putting in the full scenes or exact same scenes in any parts of this book. Now without a further a due... Enjoy :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter has scenes of graphic consumptions of people in it. Not cannibalism, but still the mentions of parts of the human body being eaten. If any of this disturbs you in a mental crushing way, please exit the story. I don't want my readers in bad health :)

"Want to play a game, Alice?"

Emiliza asks me like it's her best idea yet. But what would she know about games. The best kind of games are the ones Hatter and I would always play. Most of the time they were riddles and races, but a real game none the less. What I would give to hear him ask me one last riddle. What I would give to run one more race.

 _What I would give to be with him one last time_.

"It's not like any of those games. They honestly sound pretty boring." I drop out of my thoughts and look directly at Emiliza. It's really starting to bother me that I can't think at least one thought without her knowing it. She blows out air like it was stuck on her lips, "How do you think I feel?"

I roll my eyes as a reply to her comment. She knows I don't care how she feels. She knows I don't care for any of this. But she still continues on about this game, "Come on, _Alice_. I promise it will be fun." She smiles at me like we're good friends. Like she's trying to persuade me into something _actually_ worth the word "fun."

I decide there's nothing better to do but comply. And it does make me curious about what type of _fun_ she's been promising. "What kind of game?" I ask.

"Oh, the best kind! The _all the thoughts my friends have ever thought about me,_ kind." So we're getting to this point now. The point she promised to show me.

But I don't want to know my friends thoughts. If there so deep in their minds to the point they consider them secrets, then I don't want to know. It such an invasion on privacy that I tell her as such, "I don't want to play that game. I don't want to play any game with _you."_

She thinks about it for a moment, "To bad."

She invaded my personal space even quicker then usual. Like she's been dreaming about this moment for whole life. Dreaming about breaking my mind with the thoughts of others. "First things, first. I need you to pick: McTwist, the good old white rabbit or Chessur, the Cheshirey old cat?"

She starts to giggle in anticipation. But I sternly tell her, "No! I'm not playing this game!"

I hope that makes her leave me alone. But my hope falls flat. "Alright, McTwist it is." She grabs onto my head so fast, I barely have time to react.

_Time._

_Time..._

_Time, OH GOD IM LATE!_

_I run though the radishy radish's and topple through the bushy bushes. Each step I take is any extra second I'm late. "I'm late! I'm late!" I yell at myself for my tardiness. The Red Queen will not be pleased, no she will not. I see the gates to my home and mentally sigh in relief. I don't have time to physically sigh. I'm to late for that._

_I push through the gate and into my home. The second I step over the threshold I yell, "Mary Ann!" Where is that house maid? "Mary Ann!" You would think with her long legs she would be able to get everywhere faster. I repeatedly call out her name and check my watch each time. ANOTHER SECOND HAS GONE BY! Where is this house maid?_

_It's then that I hear it. "Oh, Mr. Rabbit! Oh, Mr. Rabbit!"_

_It's Mary Ann! I run outside and nearly run past her. "Mary Ann, where on earth have you been?"_

_Been?_

_Been..._

I shake away the memory that isn't actually my memory. Though I was there, it just wasn't in my perspective. "I don't understand. I was already there, why would you show me this?"

"We're almost there Alice. Do you want to see more?"

I feel myself get hot with anger. "No, I don't want to see anymore! Don't you understand these are my friends private thoughts? Don't you understand these are the thoughts they didn't want anyone to know?"

Emiliza think about it for a second, "Don't care." And she grabs my head again.

_Head._

_Head..._

_I have a giant head in my house! A GIANT MONSTER! She reaches for my carrot garden and grabs a carrot. No. No. No, those are my carrots! I grab onto it to stop her, but instead of stopping she lifts me up to her face. "No, m-monster! These are my carrots!"_

_"But I must eat something," she seems like she's about to eat me and I brace for my life. She instead bites the carrot I was holding onto. I fall to the ground and the monster begins to shrink. I rub my head to hopefully rub away the pain. The now shrunken monster walks up to me and says, "I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Rabbit."_

_"I-it's fine dear, it's fine."_

_I go to grab my pocket watch to check the time. "Oh, but Mr. Rabbit-" She never got to finish what she was going to tell me. I check my watch a realize I'm WAY to late! And I yell this too. I run out the door and hear the shrunken monster yell after me, but I'm to occupied to stop. When I get into the tree lines I look back and stop in my tracks. Stop to see my entire house has collapsed in on itself. That monster has ruined my house! And with my house, she ruined my time!_

_I watch her from afar and she seems like she's trying to catch up to me. I get so mad I feel my sharp nails cut into my palms. This girl has ticked off my last nerve. I push my feet into the ground to make sure to leave tracks. Maybe she'll follow me to the Red Queens castle. How dare she ruin a rabbits time? She'll definitely tick off the Queen enough to give her favorite command. Hopefully the Queen will cut off her head._

_Head._

_Head..._

I gasp when I come back to the present. McTwist wanted my... head cut off. For ruining his time? For ruining his house? He's the one that brought me here! He's the one that pecked my curiosity in the first place to come here.

"Yes, Alice. He wanted you to follow him. He wanted the Red Queen to hate you and with that cut off your head!"

I realize then the point of showing me this. Emiliza wants me to hate the people I care for. She wants me to go bonkers and believe I have nobody. Well I'm not falling for it. I straighten my back the best I could in the state I'm in. "So what?" I say. "It was a long time ago and McTwist has forgiven me since then."

"It doesn't matter what that rabbit forgives! What about you? He wanted your head _cut off_! Come on _beautiful_ Alice, you. Think about it."

"I don't _want_ to think about. Yes, it hurts a little to see what he wanted, but that was also a long time ago."

Emiliza looked frustrated with my notion. She probably wasn't thinking I would be so forgiving to the people I care about. I was a child then after all. And the Queen never cut off my head, so what is there to bother me?

She breaths through her nose and breaths out through her mouth. She cracked her knuckles, finger by finger, and then her neck an unnatural way. I felt my neck stiffen after watching it. Though I have seen Chessur and Tarrant move their heads in unnatural ways, I've never heard it CRACK before. "Alright, you. It seems this will be harder then I thought." She proceeds to grab onto my head like first this time, "But let's try... done, done, done the cat."

_Done, done, done._

_Done, done, done..._

_"Done, done, done!" I sing through the trees. What a lovely darkness the Tulgey Wood is gracing me with today. "Done, done, done!"_

_I wonder what creature I will find today. What people, or animals, I will be able to bother. It's been awhile since I scared the life out of that dormouse. Maybe I'll pay him a visit..._

_"Hello? Is someone there?"_

_What's that?_

_"Please, help me! I'm incredibly lost," something cries out. I disappear through the branches, only to reappear on one of my favorite branches in front of the screaming thing._

_Or was it that branch? Whatever, no time to wonder. "Hello, love. Where are you off to?"_

_"W-well I was off too... Oh, my. Your a cat," this thing says like it's the most wonderful thing in the world._

_"Yes, thing. I'm a Cheshire cat, name is Chessur, and what might you... be?" I emphasize the 'be' because I'm a curious cat. Comes with the body and all._

_She giggles a little. Maybe she's mad? "I'm Alice and I'm incredibly lost."_

_"Never met an Alice before." I spin my body around to float on my back, then I spin my head back around to ask, "But you might find him in-" I point to my left,"That direction."_

_"Who?"_

_"The white rabbit."_

_"You've seen the rabbit?"_

_"What rabbit?" She goes on to mumble on about being lost and how she wants to find this rabbit, or doesn't, I'm not really sure. She maybe talking about McTwist or the March Hare that has tea with Tarrant and that delicious looking dormouse._

_It's then I realize I am very hungry. The mouse would never let me close to him. I've never tried an Alice before. I wonder what she might taste like. I whirl myself off the branch and through the Alice's head. Just the smell of her sounds incredibly!_

_She coughs a few times then asks again, "Which way should I go?"_

_I land back in another branch and explain to her each way she could go and who she would find there. I make sure to influence her into going to the Hatter. If she goes there, she'll find McTwist eventually running along to go to the Red Queen's castle. This Alice would be to new to keep around. To new but maybe incredibly tasty._

_When she gets there, I'll make the Queen hate her. The Queen is very ill tempered. So ill tempered, she'll surly off this Alice's head._

_I wonder what her eyes will taste like. Will they be crunchy like a bugs head? Will they be smooth like a mouses? What about her skin? It looks so creamy, maybe it will taste like milk. After the Queen drops her head in the moat, I'll grab it for myself. Her teeth will have to be taken out. Never liked the taste of teeth. I could always cut them down with my claws to make tooth picks._

_But what about her hair? That could make interesting floss. Floss to take of the bit of her stuck in my teeth. All to eat, all over again. Then I can use her blood to wash it all down. I wonder what she'll smell like being cooked. Will she smell like burnt bird? Or will she smell like a fresh mouse? I could feast on her head for days. That sounds... perfect._

_I rub my hands together while inviable. All while I'm thinking about my next feast, I'm talking to the strange Alice. I show her the path with my pews to go to Tarrant's party. I walk until I start hearing, "A very, very unbirthday! A very, very unbirthday!" On repeat._

_This Alice will be delicious._

_Delicious._

_Delicious..._

I throw up the last thing I ate all over the white and black floor. I am beyond disturbed and disgusted. The Red Queens beheading I can deal with, but to eat me?

Chessur wanted to eat me! Does he still want to? Does he still wonder what it would be like to taste me? A new thing in wonderland? A new _Alice in Wonderland._

Emiliza laughs. A victory laugh it maybe. She swipes her hand and the vomit whirls away. Whirls away like Chessur does.

_He wanted to eat me._

He thought about everything. Every part, every intrusion. Every taste... even my smell. I don't know how I can ever look at Chessur the same after this. "Finally! We're getting somewhere," Emiliza cheers.

I'm not listening though. I'm to focused on the floor in front of me. The floor that once had my vomit I made by thinking about me being eaten. Being eaten by one of my closest, and dearest friends. I feel tears start to form in my eyes, but I suck them down.

_Not yet, Alice._

_Don't give her the satisfaction._

"Alright, _beautiful_ Alice, you," She claps her hands together then moves closer to me. "Who's next?" I repeatedly shake my head. I don't want to see anymore, that was enough. "What about, Mallymkun or Mirana?"

_How about neither._


	11. Needle Forest

_"You and bandersnatch are staying here."_

My father's head whips in my direction, "I most certainly am not! My boy, you need us. You can't go the rest of the way alone."

"I won't be alone. No, not at all." I look over to Chessur and Mallymkun. They both look uncomfortable being around the squabble my father and I are having. I look back to my father and explain, "Your injured father, and bandersnatch is in incredibly pain. You can't go on any longer."

"Tarrant, you can't expect me to be okay with this? With any of us, truly." I look over at the bandersnatch and he's laying on the ground panting away. He doesn't seem to understand what's happening at all and probably won't notice when we leave them behind.

"Father, your injured. There nothing else to it. You can't go you'll..." I pause mid-sentence. It's not like we're leaving them behind for no reason. We're leaving them behind because if they go any further, I'll have to worry about them the whole way. This adventure is different. It's for someone. Someone I very much care about and want back in my arms as soon as possible. He'll just have to understand. I breath in all the muchness I can get, "Father, bandersnatch, if you go on any further you'll slow us down. This is for Alice and we already wasted half a day getting to this point. We can't waste another day."

My father is shocked, appalled with my reasonings, but it's the truth. The truest of the true. We can't go with them. He looks down at his feet, defeated. I go to touch his shoulder, but he begins to get up and walk over to the bandersnatch. Ignoring my eyes, that are seeking his, the whole way to our fluffy beast. He sits down against the bandersnatch and huffs out hot air. I reassure them both, "As soon as we get Ericiza, will be back for you. I promise."

My father still doesn't look at me. I ignore his ignoring and grab the box Mirana gave us from the bandersnatch's back. Chessur floats over to me and grabs the box from me. "You may want me to hold onto it. We may need someone with better evaporating skills to look after it."

I roll my eyes towards the familiar insult, but give him the box anyway. I go to the door of Ericiza's tower and turn the knob. It opens with a few reluctant pulls. Wooden chips crack off the doorway in the process. Before I look inside, I look one more time at my father. His head is laying on the bandersnatch, and it looks like he's sulking for a lost love. I want to say something, but decide to think it instead.

_Will be back father. If only you understood, what I'm risking. If only you knew, what Alice means to me..._

With that, I go over the threshold with Chessur and Mallymkun in toe. Never looking back at the pair we left behind.

I look at the ground in my grief while walking. It wasn't until Mallymkun yelled, "Hatter watch out!" That I finally looked up to see I was almost stabbed in the chest by a needle. A very _large_ and _sharp_ needle. Ahead of us looks like to be a needle forest. The needles I use to sew fabrics together for my hats.

"Well, this is another bump in our road, I must say," Chessur says like he's extremely annoyed. He's not annoyed at the forest though. He's annoyed that he has to wait on us to get through it.

I ignore him and squint my eyes to look for a opening we can walk through. It's then that I saw it, "Look! There's the cage!" I point out in the far distance. About 5 miles out, is a very large black cage. It's to far to see what's inside, but we all know what is. _Ericiza._

I feel me'self go into thee' madness. I've been told me eyes go orange and me' face gets darker. " _Let's get thee' bloody man who took me Alice."_ Without another word, we all start walking.

Chessur is the one that found a good enough opening for us all to fit through. Mallymkun and Chessur could fit quite fine. It was me that had to hold my hat and wiggle through to make sure I don't get pocked. Have you ever stabbed yourself with a needle? I've done it both by accident, and on purpose and neither time did it feel good.

As we're walking through the needle forest, I realize the ground is different here. It's made of... hay? I feel that sounds quiet familiar, I just can't get a...

Before I can get the rest of my thoughts to be thunked, I fall through the ground. I fall, and I fall. I scream, and I scream. The last think I hear is Mallymkun yell, "HATTER!" Last thing I hear, before my vision goes _black_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was kinda just a filler chapter, but more madness will come soon. I promise :)


	12. White Smile

Emiliza is making me choose again. Last time she just choose for me, when I didn't give her an answer she liked. But this time she gave me the choice of Mallymkun or Mirana. I already know Mallymkun wasn't so fond of me for the longest time. It seems better that I see the thoughts of who I already have an idea of what I'm going to see.

I open my mouth to give her my answer, but she interrupts me before I even begin to speak, "Never mind, actually. It seems you already know the thoughts of Mallymkun. No point of showing you something that you already know the outcome. Well, that's just no fun."

_This isn't fun at all._

"It's fun to me," she laughs at her own sick joke. "I guess that means the choice is Mirana. Not my favorite, I may say, but will still pack a punch."

I want to ask her what she means but it's to late. She's already grabbed my head and off I went against my will. 

_Against._

_Against..._

_"That's against my vows," I explain to Iracebeth. My sister put this on herself. I may not have the ability to kill her, but I do have the ability to make sure she never harms another Underlandian again. I announce to everyone that Iracebeth will be banished forever to the Outlandes. "You'll never have a friend in the world," I whisper to her._

_"Excuse me, your majesty," I hold my breath. "I hope you don't find me_ _no_ _ill will," it's Knave. The Knave I found so long ago to be a brave and noble soldier. A noble soldier that turned dark for my sister. It's this thought that makes me banish him as well._

_I go to turn around so I don't have to see the sadness in his eyes, then he grabs out a knife and I think he's going to strike me. Instead, he turns to my sister and goes to stab her. Luckily Hatter is there to stop him. With the flick of his wrist, he stops Knave by throwing a blade into his_ _hand_ _._

_What's happened to you Knave? You were so gentle and kind once. How could_ _my_ _sister's corruption go so deep, that you forget what we once had?_

_I remember the time he used to bring me flowers. A different flower everyday. I laugh to myself at the time he once brought me a live flower by accident._

_The live daffodil yelled at me, "Put me down!" He said his apologies and then apologized to me for not getting the right flowers. He apologized because he thought I deserved the best. The best of any flower. He would give me a different compliment every time to correspond with the flowers._

_Roses for my rosy lips. Daffodils for my to die for smile. Water lilies for my white lively skin. It was always compliments like these that made me so... captivated by him._

_I thought we would be perfect for each other, but now seeing him in chains and being wisked away from me again, all I see now is a broken boy. A broken_ _boy_ _that missed out on what he could have had._

_But he could be that boy again._

_One day he could become that boy I used to hold my heart for._

_As everyone was distracted, I walk over to one of my knight_ _chess_ _pieces. I whisper into his cement ear, "Bring Knave to the prison world."_

_The knight looks at me surprised by my new command. I must have hope for him and if this plan falls flat, at least Alice will be far away by then. That's of course if she_ _will_ _drink the_ _gross_ _jabberwocky blood._

_Blood._

_Blood..._

Blood. Blood filling my ears to create a static. I can't believe what I just saw! I can't believe what Mirana was thinking! All because a boy once gave her flowers and compliments.

But, this doesn't make sense. I saw his skeleton at the the Outlands. I look to Emiliza and she's smiling a knowing smile. "I know what your wondering and thinking Alice. _Beautiful_ , Alice. Don't worry, I have an easy answer for that." Emiliza cracks her back by rolling her shoulder and was about to touch my head again, but instead of doing so she starts to laugh. "Oh, funny girl! You know Iracebeth as much as I do! She's bonkers in the brain that one. So bonkers that she found enough bones to make a replica of Knave. She's a funny one, that one. Almost as funny as me and I'm pretty funny."

She continues her laughing for a few minutes. I don't know how this women can laugh so much. With that though put aside, I can't help but think about Mirana's lie. A white lie maybe. She is the White Queen so I guess it comes with the title. Not being a liar but a white liar.

"Yes, I agree with you on that one. So perfect, and clean Mirana is. But, if you just have the ability to look inside that white head of hers, you'll see theres more under that white smile then just a _classy_ exterior."

For the first time, I actually agreed with Emiliza. Mirana was one of my most closest friends, and she broke my trust. The trust that I would never have to worry about Knave again. Never have to worry about Knave trying to get me. Mirana made those worries go away before, but now she just brought them all back.

That's when it happened. The first tear fell. I watched it fall from my eye, through the air, to drop onto the ground. I never dropped tears in Underland before. When I was younger, yes but not in a very long time. I've always been brave enough. I've always had enough muchness to not cry. I guess I didn't have enough this time to let Mirana's lie slide.

"That's not the only secret she kept from you," Emiliza announces. I slowly pick my head up. I sniffle to make sure no more tears decide to drop. One was enough. Emiliza smiles and doesn't need a vocal reply. She slowly puts her hands onto my head and then we're off. 

_Off_

_Off..._

_"Your a little off today Hatter." I look at my hatter, that has_ _a_ _very fitting nickname, and he doesn't look as hattery as he usual_ _does._ _He stops shuffling through his hats with my_ _observation._ _We're currently in the space of my castle I keep just for him. A big enough room for him to make all the hats he wants_ _and_ _desires._

_And he desires a lot of hats._

_"Yes, your majesty I'm... I'm fine. Incredibly_ _fine_ _," but he is lying. And he knows, I know, he's lying. He looks at me and lets go of the current blue,_ _feathered hat he is holding. I'm trying to stay neutral because I don't want him to feel he must tell me, but I am always curious of how my close friends are feeling. "I'm sorry your majesty, but I have lied. A not true_ _,_ _lie. A hurtful lie. A heartbreaking_ _lie."_

_He dropped onto the ground_ _onto his knees and proceeded to try to pull his own hair out. I stand from my chair and waltz over to him. I sit_ _on_ _the ground next to him, but make sure I don't sit_ _on_ _my dress. I gently take his hands out of his messy, orange hair. He looks at me with yellow, red rimmed eyes. "It's been almost two years," he whispers._

_I don't need to ask what he's talking about. I know it's been almost two years since our champion has left us. Left us for her next adventure. We all do miss her, but it seems one of us still hasn't moved on. I bring his head into my lap and let him cry out his sorrows. We don't exchange any words the entire time._

_I know how he feels._

_Though, it's been a long time since I felt the same. It has also been a long time since I have found a friend like this. With a broken heart and a broken mind beyond repair. It's hard to admit the feelings, but they are still there. It's hard to let those feelings go, but they will one day._

_Though, looking at Hatter right now weeping into my lap and holding onto his hat for dear life, I'm not so sure if his feelings will ever go away. It seems she has hit too deep. We all can have a hundred loves in one lifetime, but we will only find one true love_ _,_ _through it all. Only one true love, to call our own. Only one_ _real,_ _true love_ _._

_Love._

_Love..._

_"Love._ Wait!" I didn't even realize I said it out loud. I gasp at myself from my own exclamation. Love, who? Why is this a secret? It can't be... it's not... I... I...

"Ha!" Emiliza shouts. I shake my head and become flushed. I can't even look at her. I don't know what to think about what she just showed you. There's no proof that it's about me so there's no reason to worry.

Emiliza rolls her eyes and claps her hands loudly together. I jump and realize I've been let go from her spell. She marches over to me and grabs my arm. I kick and scratch at her as she drags me away. She just laughs at my attempt to attack. I look behind me and see there's a giant black hole in the ground that she's dragging me straight to. "No! No, STOP!"

All she does is laugh louder. I feel myself slide down the hole. I will not refer this to a rabbit hole because on the other side is always an adventure, but this is not an adventure. This is a death trap. I fall about 10 feet down and land on my back. I land right onto something sharp and painful. I scream out in pain and pull my knees to my chest. I look up and see Emiliza staring down at me with her arms crossed.

"That's enough for today! See you in the morrow'!"

Then she leaves me there. There in the dark. I look around and see it's full of bones. Sharp and _fresh_ bones. I crawl away until I hit a wall. I sigh out my defeat. I keep my knees close to my chest and put my head on top of them.

All of my friends have secrets. Secrets they don't wish to share. Secrets that they know, and hold to bare. _Did I make a rhyme?_ Oh, Hatter. You need to find me. Find me before your next. Find me before she shows me _your_ thoughts. Find me before she ruins everything we have.

I don't believe she ruined everything quiet yet. No matter what McTwist, Chessur, and Mirana have thought, I will not hold them accountable for them. These are _their_ private thoughts. I can't hold them personably responsible for them. That also doesn't mean I can forgive them so quickly. I will one day because they deserve my forgiveness. Just like they deserve those private thoughts to call their own. I will forgive them.

_And I'll forgive Hatter too for whatever comes next._

_Please Hatter, find me soon._

_Hatter, I'm scared. Hatter, I'm alone. Hatter, I'm frightened!_

_Please find me._


	13. Bloody Bitch

_Please Hatter, find me soon._

_Hatter, I'm scared. Hatter, I'm alone. Hatter, I'm frightened!_

_Please find me._

_Please!_

_Please..._

I slowly open my eyes to see I was only dreaming. My dream felt so real. I dreamed about Alice being stuck in a hole and calling out to me. Each time I tried to grab for her, the hole would get deeper.

I look up into the sky, not the bright blue Underland's sky though, the prison worlds version of a sky. A fog of clouds stretching for miles. I start to sit up, but get a searing headache and fall back down onto my back.

"You alright, my boy?" Did I just hear my father? No, that's nonsense. This headache must me worse then I thought. I'm still looking at the gray sky until a person's face pops up in front of it. This isn't just any person though, _Its my father._

I sit right up again, almost hitting my father's head in the process, and start quickly questioning everything, "Why are you here? When did you get here? You shouldn't be here. We left you over at the gate and we had a fight. You shouldn't be here. I should be here. We should of already been at the prison by now and-and if we're here that means we wasted a great deal of time-"

"Hatter!" Mallymkun yells to stop me.

I breath in my nose and nod her my thanks, but just because I spitted out a trolly full of madness doesn't mean my questions aren't real questions. I go to question then again, slowly this time, but my father already has an answer, "Chessur and Mallymkun came back and got us. You fell through a hole in the ground and they didn't have the ability to get you up."

I look around to see the bandersnatch is also here. I also see Mallymkun and Chessur looking extremely guilty. They know I didn't want them to come back, they were there when my father and I got into a fight about it. Still, the reason they got them here is understandable. I smile at the guilty pair and tell them, "It's alright my friends. I don't blame you for this."

They both sigh in relief. I look over to the bandersnatch next. He's currently licking his paw and breathing heavily out of his mouth. "I forgive you too, friend."

When I look back to my father, he sends me a closed smile. "My boy, I know you want to do right by Alice and get her back as soon as possible-" I look down guilty for the claim my father is making. "But that doesn't mean you have to rush around and get hurt in the process."

"I would if I have to," the words leave my mouth before I could think about them.

My father nods his understanding but continues anyway, "When you make a hat, do you always finish within five minutes?"

"Well, no. But somethings I can make-"

"Tarrant," My father interrupts so I stay on topic.

I swallow down the jabber that's just itching to come up. "No, I can't father."

"Exactly, my boy. If it's a hat you care about, you take your time with it. Care for it. Make sure that hat gets everything it needs before you send it out to be worn." I understand what my father is saying. He's comparing a hat to the journey we're taking to get back Alice, but Alice is more then just a hat. She's the finest hat that's ever been made. The finest creation that's ever been given to Underland... and she's been taken. 

_Taken by thee' bloody black witch._

I breath all the air I can get into my nose and blow it by rippling my lips. After a few moments, I finally reply to my father, "Okay father. I understand." We smile at each other. Thank Underland this fight didn't go on as long as our last one. The last one lasted for _years_. I finally got my family back, and I'm not losing them again.

The bandersnatch yaws and then places his head onto his arms. Within five seconds, he is sleeping and snoring rather loudly. I guess that means we're staying here for the night. Everyone must think the same because everyone starts to move around looking for a spot on the hay ground that's comfortable for them.

I bundle up a handful of hay for my head. Then, I take my hat off to lay it on my lap. As I lay there on the hay ground, I look into the sky. Before I can try to go to sleep, Chessur floats his way over to me. "Well Tarrant, quite a day we've had."

"Quite a day indeed, Chess." He hovers over my hat and looks afraid. Afraid to ask something perhaps? This better not be about if I don't make it back alive, then he can have my hat. He already knows my answer to that question. I get tired of waiting, almost as tired as I feel, so I decide to ask, "What's wrong Chess?"

He looks up at me again and then lays down, well floats down, on the top of my hat. "Well Tarrant, I just wanted to know how your doing with all this?"

I raise a furry eyebrow at him, "What do you mean?"

"I _mean_ , with the journey. You think I'm blind enough to not see how you've been acting these past two years? I can be invisible Tarrant, not blind." I close my eyes tight. I don't want to remember these past two years. They were absolutely terrible. Before I can even whisper out an answer, Chessur answers for me, "I seeee. Well, luckily will get there soon. No matter where we go, will always get somewhere. Somewhere closer to our Alice." With one last ear-to-ear smile, he whisks away to find somewhere to sleep.

I think that's the end of it, but right before I was about to close my eyes Chessur whisks his way back. "Just one more thing," he eyes my hat like it's candy.

"No, Chess. If I were to die today or tomorrow or any day after, I would like to look my best." He sighs in defeat then nods his head. He whisks away, hopefully for the last time, to go find a place to sleep.

I wiggle in my spot to try and get more comfortable. I look up into the gray sky and wonder when this journey will be over. I wonder when this will be over and I'll have my Alice back. I breath in through my nose and shut my eyes. My mind decides it's not time for sleep though. It's time to go to the place it always goes when it's quiet. It goes to _Alice._

_My yellow haired lass._

_We're so close my dear_ _, so_ _incredibly close. So close to seeing your face again. So close to being around you again. To breath the same air as you. To be in the same world as you._

_I'm so close, so very close._

_I hope you embrace me again like you did when I first saw you. I hope you let me run my fingers through your hair. To feel the softness of your skin again will just be, well_ _..._ _everything to me._

_Skin soft to the touch._

_Beauty as beautiful as a sunrise._

_My Alice. My beautiful Alice._

_And what you would look like_ _without your clothing..._

I shake my head and snap my eyes open. Right now is not the time to have the _bad_ thoughts. Luckily I have my hat in my lap so if any of my companions were to wake up, they wouldn't see my desire for her. You can't think these things anymore Tarrant. She'll be back in Underland again soon and you'll never be with her. You'll never have a chance with her. And if the _bloody black witch_ shows her any of my thoughts... I'm afraid I won't even be able to be friends with her anymore.

I can't have that. No, not at all. I may not be able to be with Alice in the way I want, but I'm okay with being her friend. As long as I can have her next to me, I'm okay with it. As long as she still enjoys my company, I'm okay with it.

Before I can try to go back to sleep again, a bright white light appears in the middle of the path we've been taking. I put my hand up to try to cover my eyes from going blind. Everyone else starts to sire awake because of the light too.

We all stand up and look at the light curiously. I step forward to get a better look. Before I can get to close, it changed. It stretched into a flat sphere and opened up. It opens up to show us something inside.

And that something is... _Emiliza._

She looks pleased with herself. She sees she has awoke us all from sleeping, but of course she doesn't care. Just seeing her face makes me bottle up with anger. I feel the madness consume me. "What do ye' want you bloody witch!"

She looks appalled by me insult. Good! That was thee' point. "I would not be making insults to me right now Hatter. I am the one that made you all frolic into the prison world after all," She giggles out the last words she said. "After all, I know you weren't getting _that_ much sleep. Not with your _beautiful_ Alice taken by whittle old me."

She continues to laugh at her words. She laughs and laughs like a mad women. Though I don't know if I should be calling her mad, or even bonkers. She's just darkness and hatred.

I can't stand the laughing anymore. _I may love to laugh, but her laugh is like a high pitch scream_. That's when she stops. "EXCUSE me? My laugh is not _high pitch_ _ed_ _!"_

I don't care for these mind games shes playing so I just out and ask, "What do ye' want witch?"

She scrunches her nose and her mouth like she just ate a sour lemon. She ends up gritting out, "STOP CALLING ME THAT! I just wanted to know WHATS TAKING SO LONG! It should be a day there, then a day back, and a extra day just for leisure. You think getting _into_ someone's head is easy? It's _exhausting."_

Exhausting? _Exhausting! That... that bloody_ _bitch!_

"What did you just call me?" _Oh, no._ _Did s_ _he just- "_ Read your thoughts, yes I did." _She just did it again_ _. "_ Oh yes, I did Mr. Hatter. Oh yes, I did. Ohhhhh, you have no idea what you just did. What _you_ just did."

What have I done? This... person... has Alice. I didn't think. I was to corrupted by the madness to think about what I was thinking! "Emiliza-"

"No! Don't give me that! You better get what I want by the time I've set or I'll break Alice so beyond repair she won't want to look at _any_ of you!" She pauses a second to look at us all one, by one. Then when she gets back to me, she smiles.

She's about to open her mouth, probably to layout a threat, but then I hear it. I hear it through the looking glass she made. "Hatter! Please, help me!" 

_I know that voice._

_I've know that voice for years._

_I've heard that voice in my head for years._

_My Alice._

Emiliza turns to her right and yells at Alice, "You, shut it! Will continue our game soon enough." When she turns back to me she smiles again, "Thank you for that Hatter. You just helped me make a decision. Your next."

With those final words, the light disappears. And with those finale words I think to myself, _what have I done?_


	14. Naughty

I heard him. I heard Hatter's voice. I didn't know where it was coming from, but then I heard Emiliza tell me to be quiet and that was it. Maybe I'm going around the bend. Maybe I am going completely bonkers. Seeing so many Underlandians deep, personal thoughts is probably doing this to me. Or maybe it's this dark hole Emiliza left me in.

I woke up this morning and had the worst pain my back. I slept on a bone that's probably been here for over a century. I close my eyes tightly because I feel I'm about to break. Break the one thing I've never done in Underland since I was a little girl.

_I will not cry. I will not cry. I WILL NOT CRY!_

I breath out my frustrations in a huff. Underland is supposed to be a place for adventures, not torture and pain. A place I was able to go to when I wanted to get away from Overlands problems. Now I have _nothing._ I'm alone and scared. I don't know when I'll be let out of her and when I am, Underland may cease to exist because of Emiliza. Maybe this was meant to happen. Maybe this was supposed to be my final adventure here to show me I have to deal with my problems like everyone else. How every women has to deal with her problems.

_When in doubt, be silent._

Hamish's words swirl in my head like they are trying to tell me something. Maybe I should of just done what every other women in Overland has done. Just marry rich and stay _silent._

But then I would of never came back to Underland. I would of never remembered all the fun I had here as a child. I would of never saw Hatter again. I'm not sure why he is my reason to keep fighting, but he is. I will not break under Emiliza's control. I will not break _ever_.

With this thought, I smile at what is to come. No matter what Emiliza shows me, no matter what she tortures me with, I will not break into madness.

"Oh, you don't think so, do you?"

I look up and see Emiliza is the one taunting me. Taunting me with my own goals to get out of here and still be the same, slightly sane, Alice that I am. I don't answer her. I just stare into her red eyes and say nothing. I'll give her no satisfaction of even a plead to get free.

"Alright, chick!" Emiliza claps and rubs her hands together, "Ready for the next one?"

_Yes. For the first time since this started, I'm ready._

I'm back in the exact spot I was yesterday. Or maybe it was over there? I'm not totally sure since everything looks exactly the same. There's not even a piece of furniture in here. Just box's of black and white.

"Alright, Alice. _Beautiful,_ Alice. My yellow haired beauty~" She runs her fingers through my hair and bites her lips while doing it. She must of ate a box of creepy cereal today because she's being extra, well... everything! "Are ready for who's next?"

I swallow my pride and nod my head. Emiliza smiles at me in return. She takes her hands from my hair then straightens her posture. "I don't think you are." _Are you kidding me?_ "You don't even know who it is."

"Doesn't matter. The sooner I see through it all, the sooner I get to leave."

And guess what she does... _laughs._ Always laughing. Anytime I say anything she doesn't expect, she laughs. I'm not a very funny person. I never claimed to me either, but I guess to Emiliza everything is a joke. She eventually calms down and says, "True. Everything is funny because you all think your so clever. Even you with this _master plan_ of just getting through everything to be done with it."

Emiliza moves closer and touches my shoulder. She stares into my eyes and slowly moves her finger to pull down my sleeve. I wiggle her finger away and she giggles like a little girl. "With a reaction like that to something so _innocent_ , I don't think your ready at all. But I guess that's the point, isn't it? To bend, snap, and crack that _beautiful_ brain of yours."

"Please just... do it already."

She smiles again and shrugs her shoulders. She goes to put her hands onto my head, but freezes halfway. "Do you at least want me to tell you who it is?"

_No._

"Thank Underland I don't listen to you. It's Hatter by the way."

"Wait!" But it's to late. I couldn't stop her if I tried. She put her hands on my head and I'm off to the other world again.

_Again._

_Again..._

_"Again, again friends!" I clap my hands in joy. It's my unbirthday again! You only get 364, you know? Got to make everyone count._

_"It a very, very merry unbirthday! It a very, very merry unbirthday! It a very, very merry unbirthday! To us! To us!" We sing our song over and over again. It's one of the best songs to sing! That and twinkle, twinkle little duck. Then at the end of our song, there comes a clapping noice at the end of the table._

_March Hare and I twist our head around to the sound we hear. We see... a girl? I yellow-haired girl looking so delighted to be here._

_"Hello there!" March Hare slurs a greeting._

_Mallymkm looks outside of her place in one of our teapots. "No, room!" She yells and crosses her teeny, tiny arms._

_"But, there's plenty of room," the girl explains by motioning to the chairs._

_"Not for you!" Mallymkun huffs and closes herself back into the teapot._

_I roll my eyes then stand from my chair. "Now, now Mally. We always have room for new faces. As long as they got mouths with a taste for tea." I tap on the teapot Mallymkun is in and I hear her huff again. "Unlike the last guest we had. You ever have tea with a badger before? They don't like tea! What an incredibly horrible way to live."_

_"Incredibly, horrible!" March Hare yells while breaking two plates he slammed his hands onto in the process._

_"Oh! Well, I-I love tea," The yellow-haired little girl points out._

_"I don't know," I jump onto the table and walk my way over to her. All the way there, I hear March Hare clap his hands and bounce on the creaking chair. I lean down in front of her and she backs up onto the back of the chair. I look her up and down to inspect her._

_What an incredibly petite girl this is._

_"Hmm... She seems good enough!" I grab her by the hand and drag her onto the table. We crash and step on almost every pot along the way. When we get to the final seat, I step down then help her too. I always sit at the head of the table and the girl sits right next to me. In the chair that... well, I don't think anyone's ever sat there before._

_Hmm... oh, well! Time for tea!_

_I pick up the closest pot and go to pour her tea into a blue tea cup. Blue to match her dress. "Now, what did you say your name was?"_

_"I didn't."_

_"Nice to meet you, I Didn't."_

_"No," the girl giggles out. "My name is Alice._

_"I Didn't Alice. What a peculiar name. I like it!" The girl starts to laugh again. It maybe the most adorable laugh I've ever had my ears hear._

_"No, no. My name is Alice."_

_Alice._

_Alice..._

I blink back the memory and I'm back staring at Emiliza. _Did she take me back to early?_

 _"_ No, I didn't, I Didn't." I roll my eyes at her mockery. The Hatter was different back then. He was naive just like me so mistaking my name with 'I Didn't' was quite a normal thing.

I remember that day like it was yesterday. Our first tea party. Our first time meeting. It's insane to me how long ago that was. How young and full of muchness we were.

"Yeah, yeah. Muchness, muchness. I don't understand that thing between you too. I maybe full of the madness, but that's just insane!"

_Not to me it's not. It makes perfect sense._

She rolls her eyes, "Okay, whatever. The point, of this point, is what did you think of it?"

I raised an eyebrow to ask if she was serious. She vigorously nodded her head. I blinked a few times and answered the only answer there was, "It's incredibly innocent. There wasn't much to see."

"Yes! Exactly! So innocent you both were. So young and full of _muchness,_ like you thought. Correct?" I nod my head to agree. "Keep that in-" She put her dainty finger to her lip and tapped it a few times, "- _mind."_

_Mind._

_Mind..._

_Time has truly done it. Kept us stuck just before tea time, FOREVER! Or just until our yellow-haired lass returns. There's not much to do but sit here and wait. Sit here and stare at our tea that's gone beyond cold. Bloody big head sends that bugger Knave every once in awhile. Never understood why he comes around. He comes and the March Hare will throw cups at him till he finally leaves._

_I slouch in my chair, at the end of our table, and try to nap. That's what the March Hare and Mallymkun are currently doing. Might as well join the party._

_After an hour of hearing the same tune playing on the record, I hear a different noice. I first think it's Knave coming to practice his dodging skills with the March Hate again, but this noice is too small. Only little crutches._

_Crunch. Crunch. Crunch._

_I look up to see it's not Knave. It's not a knight or even McTwist coming to check on us. It's the yellowed-haired lass. The cleared eyed soon to be champion. I lean forward and feel my smile rise for the first time in a long time. My heart jumps a bazillion times faster then it usually does when I see her from my spot at the table._

_Am I having a heart attack?_

_No, it's most definitely from excitement._

_An incredibly long time its been. I stand right up and practically run across the table. Unlike last time March Hare didn't clap with joy, instead he grabs his cup he's been waiting to drink close to him. I stomp on the scones, cups, plates, and teapots._

_Our Alice has returned!_

_Our Alice came back for us!_

_I get to the end of the table and jump off the end. I kneel down to look Alice right in the eyes. She's much smaller then she was before. Incredibly small. I'm so overcome with feelings I don't know what to say. She's standing there in her little body just staring up at me. Staring at me like she's never seen me before._

_I decide to say the only think I can think, "It's you."_

_"No! McTwist brought us the wrong Alice," Mallymkun yells from the table._

_It's absolutely Alice. I'd know him anyway, and I said as much. I brought her across the table just like I did when she was a child. I sit her in the same chair she sat in last time too! The same chair that's never been sat in but by her._

_She's so incredibly late, naughty girl. I tell her about how time has froze us here because he's ill tempered and how we've been waiting for her. Waiting for her so long._

_All the while I talk she looks like she's never seen me before. But how can forget me? I've never forgotten her. This Alice is different then she was last time. She's more, dare I say it, womanly. But she's still her same curious self._

_I ask her, "Do you know why a ravens like a writing desk?" But before she has a time to answer, my madness comes out, "_ **_Down with the blood big head."_ ** _I cover my mouth in surprise embarrassment. Mu madness has never just come out like that. Usually I have this feeling in me until it grows and grows then comes out._

_Just like when Chessur comes to join us, I felt it grow until it just came out when he mentioned that terrible day. Then it almost came out again when that bugger Knave came around. I had to stuff poor wee' Alice into a tea pot. Then when I looked inside..._

_I didn't see a lot. Just a few seconds of her. When I first saw Alice, I knew she was different. Different because she's older. I became flushed and scrabbled my apologizes to her._

_Why is my heart beating so fast?_

_Why do I feel this way?_

_It's not like I haven't seen another woman's body before. I was quite nieve in my prime after all, but this is different. This is...This is..._

_I don't have time to think about it. I have to bring Alice to the White Queen. She is our destined champion after all. Our champion sent to save us all._

_All._

_All..._

I shake my head to wipe the fog away. I go into logical explanation right away, "That doesn't mean anything."

Emiliza just rolls her eyes and crosses her arms. _Does she really look disappointed right now?_ "Yes Alice, I am. You're most definitely _beautiful,_ but I guess it's de brain that needs some work."

I ignore her insult and continue my explanation, "None of this means what your insisting. If anything, it truly was just excitement!"

Emiliza slaps her face and shakes her head. "Unbelievable. Okay Alice, you don't believe me? Then I guess, will just go straight to it."

I'm almost afraid to ask, but I do anyway, "T-to what?"

"The part where he found his _feelings."_


	15. Ericiza

_Oh my Underland, what have I done!_

_You just helped me make a decision,_ she said

_Your next,_ she said.

_What does that mean! Whats does that mean!_

"My boy, are you alright?" I can't pay attention to my father right now. My mind is spinning. Spinning, and spinning, and spinning!

"Hatter!" I whip my head towards Mallymkun. She's trying to show me how to breath, but I don't want to. I don't want to sit here and _breath._ I don't want to sit here and _control_ myself. 

_Your next._

I start punchin' thee' needles an ripping them out by thee' steam. I'm screaming an yelling at everythin'. Mallymkun is tryin' to yell at me to stop, but I won't. I don't 'ant to. That bloody bitch! That bloody black witch! 

_Stealing me girl like she's 'ers._

_Stealing me life like it's 'ers._

_I wish I could push all me rage onto her._

_I wish I could pull out 'er hair instead of thee's needles._

_All of this wouldn't of happened if it wasn't for tat' bloody black witch._

_"Hatter! Please, help me!"_

Then I stopped. Alice's voice is what brought me back. Her sweet, scared little voice. Just like the voice I heard in my dreams. 

_I can't see you in a dream, that's not reality._

_Who's to say which is which?_

It was her. It was my Alice. She called for me, she wants me to save her. She wants me to find her, and by bloody Underland, I will. I will bring Alice home. I'll bring her back whether she hates me or loves me in the end. Because she's _my Alice_ and no one can take that from me.

I look at my companions one, by one. There all staring at me. I know I hit rock bottom. They know, I've hit rock bottom. They just don't know the why. I'm sure they have an idea. All they have to do is look back and realize I've been different since Alice left and know. Know that I think of Alice more then just a friend.

Instead of saying anything on the matter, I start walking. Walking towards the person that can make this all go away. Oh, how I wish this was just a dream. A sad, terrible dream. And I wish I could just wake up. When I get about twenty steps away from them, I call back, "Let's go!" They all comply without a word.

As we're walking, no one says anything. Everyone is silent and letting me think. Though I bet half of think that not such a great idea. _It's really not, if you think about it._ But they still say quiet. Leaving me to think about all the things I've thought, thinked, and thanked about Alice. Even though I'll get Alice back no matter what, I still wonder what she will say if she sees what I've thought. Thought of _her_.

Instead of seeing them as amazing things or wanted things, I think of them as terrible things. Terrible that I ever let myself get this far. Terrible that my mind let me get this far. 

_What will Alice think of me now?_

I feel like I'm about to cry. That's how bad I believe she won't want to be near me. All I ever wanted was her to be by my side again, and my thoughts may of just ruined that chance. At least she'll be safe again. In my arms or not, she will be safe.

"Hatter, look." Mallymkun points forward. I stop staring at the hay ground and getting trapped in my thoughts long enough to look up. When I look up, I see the cage we've came all this way for. We all stop to see where our journey has finally led us. The cage that's filled with the one thing that will get my Alice back. In that cage, I see it. I see him. 

_Ericiza._

We're all about to move forward our final steps till victory, but then _it_ came out. One of the needles stabbed right into the ground in front of my father. My father jumped back and shirked. I look up the leg to see the body of a spider attached to eight needle legs.

"Needle spider!" My father yells. We all run in different directions. I run to the east of the forest and try to find something to fight with. I find a smaller needle that looks to be the size of a sword. I rip it out of the ground and run back to the beast.

The bandersnatch is trying to jump and attack it, but the beast is too high above ground. It must be at least twenty feet fall! Needle legs and all! _Did I make a rhyme?_ Not the time Hatter!

I start slashing at its legs, trying to break it off balance. Then I hear a walling scream from my left. I look to see my father and Mallymkun fighting off another needle spider. Mallymkun is near its head, trying to poke all of its eyes out. My father did the same as me, and found a smaller needle to fight with.

I look back at the bandersnatch, and their bitting at its legs. It was at this moment I realized, _where's Chessur?_ I circle around to find him, but when I face the way of the cage he reappears. He passed through what looks to be a force field.

He's waving me over, and then disappears again. I very much comply, and start running to him. Before I get to close to him, I call back to the others, "Everybody run!"

They all stop what their doing. and begin to run to me. When I finally get to the force filed, I run right through it. A ripple runs thought me and then I'm on the other side. Bandersnatch is right behind me with my father, and Mallymkun riding on it's back.

We all turn to look at the needle spiders and they are all screeching at the wall that divides us. It seems they can't get through. I wonder why that is. Is it because it won't let them? Or is because their scared of what's on the other side?

After a few more screeches, they run away in the opposite direction. Disappearing into the needle forest. I was the first to turn around and look away. I turn around, and the first thing I see is _him._

Ericiza sitting in the middle of the cage with a smile on his face. He looks so similar to Emiliza, I just want to wipe that smile right off his pale face. He has dark blonde hair, and bright green eyes. He's wearing all black, just like Emiliza.

When everyone turns around, they see him too. Just sitting their smiling. I step forward to get closer, but he puts his hand up and I stop. When he puts the hand back down and speaks a harsh, nasty voice that must of not spoken in years, "Hello, new friends! I'm Ericiza, but I bet you already know _that."_

We all look at each other. What is there to say? We've come all this way and none of us thought of anything. I decide to be the first to speak to try to at least explain why were here, "Yes. We're here to-"

"I know what your _here_ for," Ericiza cuts me off. "I'm just like Emiliza-" I grit my teeth at the sound of her name. "-telekinetic at least. This field keeps me from reading others thoughts _super_ clearly, but I still can hear bits and pieces. It's a family thing really, and I hate her too." This surprises us all. You would think they would love each other since we've came all this way for him. "I know, surprising we don't have that _brother, sister_ bond and all. But let's just say last time I saw her..." He waves his hand around and tries to think of the right words, "Well, she stuck her hand in my chest."

We all look at each other again confused. Is this the right Ericiza? Chessur is the one to ask the next question we're all thinking, "If you hate eachother, why would she send us to get you?"

"I- wait... what?" He looks as confused as we are now. "I thought you were coming to kill me!" _What?_ "I know, I'm as confused as you are. But if your not here to kill me... what are you here for?"


	16. Just Do it Once

_"Hatter, why is a raven like a writing desk?"_

_I smile at my overly curious girl, "I haven't the slightest idea." She smiles back with that beautiful smile of hers. I lean in and whisper into her ear, "Fare falling Alice." With those last words, she disappears. Disappears to go back to Overland. Disappears to leave us all._

_To leave me._

_That thought crept up on me. It just popped into my head before I had time to stop it. All day I've been contemplating what had been happening to my heart every time Alice is around. Right now, staring at the spot she once stood, it feels like it's breaking. Breaking into a thousand different pieces. Breaking because it knows a piece of it is missing. That very piece just disappeared right in front of me._

_I haven't felt even a close enough feeling to this in a long time, and I definitely have never felt like this EVER. I tried to ignore it for so very long. The feelings that only couples have. The feelings only those who found their person have. But my person can't be Alice, she's too... she's too perfect._

_Perfect in every which way. Perfect from her soft hair, to her little toes. I can't be with Alice. She's to far away now to even have that be possible, but that doesn't stop my heart from thinking it is. Maybe if I admit it once, I'll never have to worry about it. Just saying it once out loud and then it will go away, right?_

_I look around to make sure no one is around or in ear shot. It seems everyone has left, only to leave me staring at the spot our champion just disappeared from. I breath in all the air I can gather and slowly let it out. I stare at the spot she once was in and imagine she's there again. Smiling that incredibly beautiful smile of hers and I say it, "I love you, Alice."_

_Alice._

_Alice..._

Hatter loves me. Tarrant loves me. He just confirmed it with his own memory. I don't know why I tried to deny it, but I did. Mirana's memory was proof enough of what he was feeling, but I just couldn't let it sink in until now.

The Hatter, my best friend, has loved me for so long and I never stopped to see it. My bonkers, Mad Hatter. I'm not sure how to feel about it, but I know someone who has lots to say about it.

 _"_ Aww, _bleh!_ Love is so stupid! I don't understand the concept of it. Why love someone so deeply, if their not going to give you the same way back?"

I shake my head at her criticisms. Even if I don't love Hatter the same way back, it doesn't mean I'll let her dump on my friends feelings. "It's completely innocent. Just because he loves me does not mean I'll look at him any different."

"Oh you don't, do you?" Emiliza questions. I nod my head for the obvious answer. "And innocent! Oh please, _pretty_ girl. If you could see the stuff he's thought about you, I bet you would run to the hills."

"What do you mean?" I regretted that question right when I said it.

Emiliza smiled her famous cruel smile and states, "Let me show you _beautiful,_ Alice."

_Alice._

_Alice..._

_Alice. That's the one name that's been jumping everywhere in my head now a days. I thought after admitting it out loud this feeling would go away, but it didn't. It got worse._

_Now anytime anything, and I mena ANYTHING, reminds me of her I get these... thoughts. These very_ **_bad_ ** _thoughts. Since she slayed the jabberwocky a year ago and left, they just kept coming. They always start off innocent. With me just missing her and wondering what we would do if we were together at that moment. Then they would take a dark turn, and I would be trapped with endless bad thoughts._

_Like right now, I'm just sitting in my room looking at all my new hats I just made. I think about what Alice would do if she was here right now. Would she compliment my hats? Would she pick her favorite and wear it for everyone to see?_

_Then I think about what if Alice saw me, the same way I saw her. Would she lean against me and tell me she loves them all? Would she graze my hand with hers and tell me she wants me to make her one?_

_I would of course make her one if she asked. I've made her hundreds since she left, and she didn't ask. Then my thoughts get bad again. She would turn to me and whisper something naughty. This time she whispered, "What would I look like with one of your hats, but nothing else on?"_

_I shake my head and try to concentrate on my hats, but I can't this time. She feels more real every time. What if I just relieved myself once? Just do it once, then these thoughts will be gone for good. It worked with the last lass that tickled my fancy._

_Just do it Hatter!_

_Fine!_

_I got up from my spot on the floor, and walked to the door. I locked it then went to my bed. I lay down ever so slowly to prepare myself for what I'm about to do. From what I'm about to do, with my best friend in mind. For the person that's controlled my thoughts for the past year. For my, "Alice." I whisper her name out loud and feel it. I feel my desire through my trousers._

_I rub myself gently and moan with the contact. It's been so very long since I've done this. I bit my lip and imagine her on top of me. I imagine my Alice straddling my hips with nothing but her drawers and corset on. That's when I remember, Alice hates corsets. It disappears right off her body, and I gasp. She would look so beautiful here. She is so beautiful in my head at least, but to actually reach out and touch her would be a whole other mind blowing thing._

_I unzip my trousers and sneak my hand into them. My breathing quickens each time I see Alice, fake Alice, move. She moves her hands to her shoulder. She takes her little pinky finger and slowly moves it down to the top of her breasts. I watch her bite her lip in anticipation. All the while I'm stroking myself in anticipation._

_She moves her two fingers to her left nipple and I see her squeeze it lightly. I wonder what it would be like to suck on them. To touch them between my fingers. I wonder how Alice would react too, to such a action. This Alice opens her mouth with a silent moan._

_I feel myself getting closer to my peak. She continues her decent down. She moves to her stomach and traces her bellybutton. I look up to her face and watch her lick her lips._

_I'm so close._

_In a very quick motion, Alice moves her hand into her drawers and opens her mouth again in a silent moan. "Oh my," I whisper to myself. "Alice, oh gosh Alice. I'm so close. So very, very close." My imagined Alice leans forward to get close to me. She hovers her mouth over mine, but instead of kissing me she moves to my ear. I hold my breath, waiting for her to say something. The first words I hear this Alice whisper is, "Cum."_

_And that's what I did. I finished all over my hand and trough my trousers that I never took off. Just hearing that one dirty word from Alice finished me. I'm in such ecstasy I didn't even realize the fake Alice has disappeared. I thought I wouldn't care, but I want her back. I want the real Alice back even more. This plan didn't work. I don't want her to just disappear when I finish. I want her to be pleased with me. I want her to finish with me._

_Oh, no. This isn't good. So very, not good. Alice has struck me too deep, and it's to late to turn back now for whats to come._

_Come._

_Come..._

Oh. My. Underland. I feel my face become incredibly red. Never in my entire twenty-six years of life, have I ever thought about anyone in that way. I know about sex. I know what it takes for a couple to have a baby, but I never thought about anything like he did. Hatter thought about all of that with _me._

Emiliza laughs. I finally compose myself when I remember she's here. This is definitely not the first time, but I most definitely would of not liked to see that memory at all. "Oh, come on. That was so tamed for what I'm going to show you."

My eyes go wide. "Your going to show me MORE!"

She giggles like a little girl with a secret. "Take it as preparation for whats to come. For whats go come... in your own mind."

I didn't have time to think or ask about that. She already put her hands on my head and I was off again.


	17. All for Alice

"But if your not here to kill me... what are you here for?" Ericiza asks the lot of us. We all look at each other for the third time since we got to the cage. _Are we missing something? "_ Would you all just STOP looking at each other, and tell me what it is your thinking! I just said, I can only hear bits and pieces of ye minds. Your going to actually have to talk to me."

Yup, this is definitely Emiliza's brother. I choose to be the one to try to explain, "Em-" but I stop myself there. I can't even say her name without going mad.

My father turns to me and puts his hand onto my shoulder. I nod him my thanks and he says what I was going to say, "Emiliza-" _Bloody black witch,_ "-Has sent us here to get you. She wants you back for her own reasons. She did not tell us the why or the what, but she does want you back. With you, will be able to get back our champion."

Ericiza scratches his chin in thought. "So this champion you speak of, is she worth letting me go into the hands of my sister?"

Everyone, including my father, turn to me for an answer. I look into Ericiza's eyes and say, "Everything and _more_."

He nods his head in understanding. "Well!" Ericiza claps his hands and jumps up from his spot on the ground. "Let's get a move on, shall we! Don't want to miss the good old family reunion and all." _He's just agreeing?_ "Yes, I am. Mostly because I'm curious for the what and the why my sister has in that head of hers."

I look to Chessur and he brings out the box Mirana gave to us. He floats over to the edge of Ericiza's cage. Ericiza walks forward until he's at the edge of the cage. He smiles likes he's planning something. Like he should be rubbing his hands together in evil planning. 

_Something doesn't feel right about this._

But before I have time to voice my opinion out loud, Chessur opens the box. A bright lights comes from the inside of the box. We all shield our eyes to not go blind. I couldn't even see the process of him going into it. The light goes away when Chessur closes the box and seals him inside.

We all look around like something should have happened but nothing did. Chessur floats over to us and points that out, "Well, that was much easier than I thought."

Mallymkun voices her opinion, "Yes, almost to easy."

"Yes, but let's not sit around to find out what the _hard version_ of this is," My father says. He's kinda right, you know?

We all start on our journey home and realize the spiders are long gone. I'm just not so sure if it's for the reasons we want though. As we're entering the needle forest again, I turn to Chessur. "Chess, do you feel like everything is a bit off?"

"What a interesting thing to hear coming from someone who is entirely off himself." I sigh in understanding. "What is wrong Tarrant?"

"Just- Just...."But I couldn't say it.

My father bumps my hip and finishes for me, "It's Alice of course. He can't wait to see her. We all can't wait to see her!"

Mallymkun joins into the conversation now, "Yeah! I can't wait to be able to have tea with her again!"

"Or get my back scratched by her. Those little fingers work wonders in my fur," Chessur adds.

"You know, I've spent very little time with Alice, but I must say she is an amazing character," Everyone nods in agreement to my fathers comment. Even the bandersnatch howls his agreement.

Then I see they looked at me next to add. Of course they would look at me to add, I was the one that created this journey. This journey was all to get her back.

That's when I stopped in my spot. Everyone stopped as well and is now looking at me curiously. I stopped because when I look at my companions I see nothing but trust. Trust in that they want Alice back as much as I do. Trust that they would go on this journey with me all for her. 

_All for my Alice._

My trust in them has brought me this far, and I haven't even told them why this was so important to me. Of course they know the gist. Alice is my best friend and I would do anything for her, but they don't know how far I would go for her. I decide it's time for me to come clean. Come clean with my feelings for Alice.

I wiggle my nose and look at my feet. I'm nervous with what I'm about to say. I've only admitted it out loud once, and that was when no one was around. That day feels like a lifetime ago. Now I'm here, standing in front of my father and friends, about to admit to something I never thought I would.

And then I just say it, " _I love Alice_."

I continue staring at the hay ground and wait for someone to say something, but no one does. I peak up under my hat and look at everyone. Everyone, including my father, is just smiling at me. "What?" I ask before I can think about it. 

"Oh, my boy. We already knew," My father says gently.

"You knew!"

"Of course, we knew. You think you can just disappear from the world, and we would not think it's because of the very person that left years before?" Chessur sarcastically asks.

I breath out the breath I didn't even realize I was holding. All this time they knew. All this time I thought they didn't have a clue, but they did have a clue. A very big clue. My father steps up to me, and puts his hand onto my shoulder. "My boy, you should tell her."

I shrug his hand off of me and practically yell, "No!" I stomp my way past them and then I turn around to face them again, "We wouldn't work."

"What wouldn't work? Curious Alice and the Mad Hatter, sounds like a perfect coupling," Chessur says. I'm not sure if that was just another sarcastic remark or not.

My father waves his comment away then steps forward. "My boy, you can't keep this in. She deserves to know."

I wave him off and continue walking the path. I yell back to them while walking, "Forget about it! Let's go, we should camp somewhere soon."

But when I say it, I don't forget about it. I've finally said it out loud. I've finally said the words out loud to someone, or someone's, and they tell me I should tell _her._ It's taken me this long to admit it to others, and now they want me to admit it to her. Never going to happen... but could it?

It's not an impossible idea especially if Emiliza hasn't shown her anything yet. Maybe telling Alice how I feel will remove the madness. Remove the madness that surrounds her and only her will go away. 

_But is it to late?_


	18. Forgetting

_It's been 1 year, 4 months, 18 days, 27 minutes, and 49 seconds since Alice left me. Left me for another adventure. Left me for another world. I keep the hope she will return, but why would she return?_

_She's saved my family and Underland for the second time now, there's no reason for a third. There's no trouble for a third, and that's how I always get to this point. I always get to the point I leave my work, and sit in my room to prepare. To prepare my thoughts that are about to come._

_How will they enter my mind today? It usually starts by looking at... anything really. It's seems like their not coming today though. I sit up from my bed and place my feet on the ground. Just when I think their not coming for the first time since they returned 4 months ago, I see her. Kneeling on the ground, in front of me. She has nothing on, but a few pins to keep her hair out of her face. "Alice," I whisper to her._

_Alice puts her hands on my knees and rubs them. "Yes, Tarrant. I'm here for you."_

_I close my eyes and enjoy my name coming from her lips. This is always when I give into the madness that surrounds her. Better to just give in, and enjoy what my mind will give me of Alice. My Alice. "I miss you so much," I tell her. I reach out to touch her face but feel nothing._

_Alice watch's as I put my hand on my lap. Then she looks back up to me with those curious, clear eyes. "Don't be sad, Tarrant. I'm here to give you what you want."_

_I breath in and decide to play my minds games, as always. "What do I want dear Alice?" Instead of answering she giggles._ _I miss that laugh so much, it's intoxicating._

_"You'll just have to close your eyes and see," That may not make sense to some, but it does to me._ _I close my eyes, and see the same scene in front of me. The same Alice on her knees, bare before me. She moves her hands from my knees to my thighs, and I know exactly where this is going._

_Outside my imagination, I unzip my trousers and begin to care for myself. Alice is unzipping me herself in my imagination. She pulls down my trousers till their at my ankles, bringing my bloomers down with them. She licks her lips in anticipation. I guess my mind wasn't being very imaginative today because she dived right in._

_No preparation. No touching of the hand, just dove right in with her mouth. I've only got one of these ever before and it wasn't very enjoyable, but with Alice I would think it would be amazing._

_I open my eyes and the vision is gone. My mind can only go so far because I only know what I've already done. Which has only been one whole experience. I squeeze myself in my hand, and I see I'm leaking pre-completion._

_I'm going to ignore my imagination today, and dream my own dream. Alice wouldn't go right in just to get it over with. She would be shy about it. She hasn't done it before, at least to my knowledge, and would want to explore first. She would explore my whole area with her fingers, and her tongue. I would hold her hair back so she's not disturbed by any tickling. When she finally does sink down, she would go about half way, then up, then back down again. This is the Alice I know. The curious Alice that won't just dive in until she's explored every possible point of the process._

_My Alice would be perfect at it all and wouldn't even have to try. That's what she did in my dream. That's what she did to bring me to completion. That's what she did to make me call out her name into the empty room where I lay lonely on my bed. That's what I'll never get in real life. Where my mind will always have to screw up until I just give in. Give into what I'll never have._

_Have._

_Have..._

This was much different then the last memory. I was still flushed and beyond words, but it was different. He thought about the possibilities. He understood that would be impossible, but my Hatter knows everything is possible. Does that mean he's just given up? Has he given up on me?

_Why does this affect me so much?_

"Would you like to know why?" I look to Emiliza and she actually looks genuine once. Like she wants to show me something that will _actually_ have a good explanation.

I learned from my mistakes though so I answer, "I don't know. It depends what it is."

She giggles a little then leans forward into my space that she loves to invade. "You've forgotten something Alice."

"Forgotten what?"

"You've forgotten _something."_

Why is she always so cryptic? Why can't she just be like everyone else and say what they mean, or at least half say it. "Because I would rather just show you, but just this once I'll ask you. "

"Ask me what?

"Do you. Want to. Remember?" Emiliza spaced out each few words like she was talking to a two year old. Before I can siphon the riddle, she answers for me, "Actuallyyyyy." _Oh great._ "I feel I should just show you anyway. _Really_ make you feel those feeling just too," She clapped her hands together and moved them like she was smooshing a bug. I'm guessing she means to smoosh my feelings, but what feeling are there to smoosh? Hatter is my friend and I do love him, just not the same way.

"Oh, Alice. _Beautiful,_ Alice. I guess I can show you, though it will hurt for a few seconds because I need to use a lot of power..." She thinks about it for a few seconds. "Oh, well." I scream out in pain the second her hands touch my head. I feel like my head is about to burst! Like someone is taking a fork and tossing my brain around like a salad. Emiliza's eyes get so red they start to shine. Her smile looks dark and cruel like she's enjoying my pain. Right before I think I'm going to black out from the pain... _I see it_. 

_I see it._

_I see it..._

_I see the ocean in front of me and she's such a beautiful thing. To feel the sea breeze on my face everyday is the best thing of all. I've been on my journey across the sea for a few months now and it's invigorating. Mother and me have gotten closer and closer each day. She's currently in her own quarters, across the deck probably reading or looking out the port hole thinking exactly what I am._

_The sea is a magnificent thing._

_As I step down from the ledge of the boat, I pass Mr. Fell. He tips his hat and says, "Goodnight Captain."_

_It's night already? I feel like I just woke up. Woke up from a dream I never want to wake from. Where the sky is always clear, and the sea stretches on for miles. As I'm walking to my quarters, I think about another dream. Except that wasn't a dream, it was real._

_I close the door behind me and lay on my bed right in front of it. It's a small captain quarters, but it works for sleeping._ _As I lay on my bed I look at the ceiling, and think about that dream that wasn't a dream. A dream I call Wonderland. I wonder if I'll ever go back there again. To see all my friends again. To see the Hatter again. I bite my lip at the thought of him._

_We got so close in the little time I was there. Truth be told, the first time I saw him walk across the table to me my heart started jumping a thousand knots a minute. I felt it was going to leap out of my chest._ _I thought it was a heart attack or maybe even nervousness since I didn't remember any of them. Since I got my memories back, I may think it was something more. I just finally got time to think about it._

_What was with my heart that day? Every time I got close to him, my heart would do the same thing. When he whispered in my ear his goodbyes and held my hand as I went through the mirror, I swore I could have... I could have..._ _I gasp at my realization._

_Do I fancy the Hatter?_

_But that's madness. He's the Hatter, and mad as a Hatter could be. Then again, the whole concept of Wonderland would be mad to all. All, but me. Even if just because of my hearts reaction to him, doesn't mean I fancy him. Not at all._

_But he is kind to me. Always wanting to know what I'm thinking. He only thought I could bring his family back. He only thought I could be the champion to Underland. He trusts me. He trusts me enough to take care of myself, and not need a man to tell me what to do. Unlike the men in England. They all think women should stay silent and do as they're told. Hamish showed me this. Showed me I'll never find love in England._

_But what about Underland..._

_It's not a terrible thought. What if after I finish my fathers wishes, I go back there. I'll always visit mother and Margaret of course, but they even said eventually I should want to settle down. What a better place to find love then in Underland? That is if he loves me back, and at least I think I love him. Do I love him?_

_He's is everything I want. Always looking at the possible out of the impossible. Always respecting me, and my decisions. Always believing in me. I smile to myself at the thought. If I were to find a way back, I'll tell Hatter how I feel. If he rejects me, then I'll be fine with just being friends. I know I'll always want more, but at least I told him the truth. He's always truthful with me so I should do the same._

_What would it be like if we were together? I would think we would be the same just with more... love, more connection even. An one day we could get married just like my family always wanted, but this time it would be on my own terms and for our wedding night..._

_Well, I never thought about wedding nights. I've never thought about another man until now really. Would it hurt? I've heard through whispers by other women that it does. I trust Hatter- Tarrant -enough to never hurt me. He's given himself up for me before so I don't believe it would hurt with him. Would it feel good?_

_I rub my thighs together unconsciously. How would it feel to have Tarrant above me? What would it feel like when the pain has subsided and the pleasure would come in? I look down into my lap and see I'm holding onto my trousers for dear life. I didn't realize how much these thoughts were affecting me. I left go of my trousers and try to breath._

_Breath Alice, breath._

_I decide I need a time out so I get up from my bed, and change into my night gown. When I lay back down and get under the covers, I realize my thighs are incredibly wet. I move my hand down there and check to see if I sat on any water, but it's only coming from one place. I gasp at myself again._ _This is the second time tonight I've been thinking about Tarrant and had a realization. I've never touched myself before. Never in... that way. Why not tonight? I've always been curious of the feeling, after all. I just never had a reason to do it, but now I have a person to think about._

_I move my hand to go under my night gown. It feels foreign to do this, but I guess I will learn eventually. It feels overly wet in some spots, but a few spots makes me feel different. A good different. I begin to think about my Hatter. Would he do this to me if we were together? Would he touch me in places that have never been explored? I have so many questions so I stop to feel it the different spots, and I feel it. I moan out when I find a spot on myself that feels incredibly different._

_I look to my right to the door and remember I'm on a ship full of people. I bend down, next to my bed, and reach for a sock. I roll it up and put it in my mouth. Then I continue my newest adventure..._

_His hands would feel rough, but he would be gentle with me._

_He would whisper dirty things into my ear and nip at the side. I moan into my sock at the thought._

_Would he touch me here, I touch my left breast and it feels good. Tarrant's hand would feel so much better._

_He would continue his exploration down to where his hand once was and circle the area I want him most. Always a tease he is and it won't stop in the bedroom. He would kiss my thighs and would ask me permission to continue. I breath out to my empty room, "Yes."_

_He would start putting his finger inside- oh that does hurt a little- he would put it in slowly to not hurt me. He would never hurt me. His other hand would snake up my thigh to my stomach. I'll be watching it every step of the way. As he continues his exploration down south, he would start his journey with the other hand up north. Just until he gets to the bottom of my breasts. He would wait again. This time I breath out, "Please."_

_And he would comply. He would squeeze my breast softly, then pull my nipple with his two fingers. I moan out again with the feeling. "I'm so close Hatter," I would tell him._

_He would go faster inside me with his finger, but slowly bring his face to mine. He would circle his nose with mine and look me right in the eyes while saying, "Say my name Alice."_

_"Tarrant!" I practically yelled out into the empty room. Thank god for this sock because it muffled most of it. I remove my hands from their exploration, and stare at the ceiling again. I stare at the ceiling and think..._

_I want more._

_This exploration was way too quick. I_ _want hours with him in real life, not seconds by myself._ _I want more from him._ _I want his real hands and his real face. I want his real mouth to tell me these things. I want him to show me everything I don't know. One day, Alice. One day you'll have this._ _I just hope it's all with him._

_I go to stand up realize the boat it rocking extra hard now. I almost fell just trying to stand. I grab my coat on the side of my bed and go outside to see why the boat isn't sailing stead. Hopefully no one can tell what I just did in my quarters. When I arrive outside, it pouring buckets of rain. I see Mr. Fell at the wheel and processed to walk towards him. He sees me coming, but then his face drops and he starts to yell, "Wait Cap-" But he never got to finish that sentence because I was knocked out by something hitting me at the back of the head. Then all I see it blackness._   
  


_Oh my gosh, why does my head hurt so much? I open my eyes and realize I'm laying in my bed staring at the ceiling, but how did I get here? Wasn't I just outside?_

_Before I had time to think it all through, my mother enters through the door. "Oh, Alice your awake!" She cheers._

_"Yes, I am. I think I just had the strangest dream."_

_"Never mind that now, how's your head?"_

_"My head?" I unconsciously touch my head. When my hand reaches around to the back, I squirm in pain. What happened last night?_

_"You hit your head during the storm. Do you not remember?"_

_"The last thing I remember was starting at the sea then Mr. Fell said goodnight to me."_

_Me._

_Me..._

I open my eyes and freeze. Everything, and I mean _everything_ came back to me. The exploration I made. The terrible storm. The sail that hit me in the head. The feelings I had that night. The things I felt for... for... for Hatter. My Hatter. 

_I love the Hatter._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Alice finally rememberers her feelings! This chapter took so long for me to write because I wanted it to be a perfect explanation. Alice's and Hatter's story is finally coming together. I'm so excited for you all to see what happens next :)


	19. What Took You so Long?

We finally find a place that's big enough for everyone to set up camp. Mallymkun and Chessur is snoring away on the back of the bandersnatch. The bandersnatch is surprisingly in a deep enough sleep to not be snoring tonight. I have Ericiza, trapped in the box, right next to my head. My father is leaning against the bandersnatch and is wide awake _staring_ at me. I pretend I don't notice and just look at the foggy sky. Trying to think of the positives in all of this. We're so close to the end of this journey. So close until we see Alice again. 

_Just one more night Alice._

_One more night and will be together again._

I keep that thought in mind while my father crawls to me. Can't he just leave everything alone. Why must he try to bug me? I get bugged enough by Chessur everyday. I just wanted one night where I can just _think_ about the positives. If I wanted my brain picked apart, I would go to one of those asylums Alice told me about. The ones where they think being _bonkers_ and _mad_ is to improper to live amongst others in England. England sounds like a official place. I hope to never go there. 

When my father finally gets to me, he sits down near my head. I drag my eyes over to him and he's just looking at the sky like I was. I hope he doesn't want to talk so I continue my fog gazing with him.

"That sky is rather foggy, isn't it?" My father asks me.

"YuP," I make sure to pop the 'p' hoping he won't continue the conversation. The last thing I want to do is talk about my feelings towards Alice. Thinking about them, that's fine. More then fine, but not talking about them is better.

My father sighs to himself and moves closer to me. I can't take this anymore. I hate waiting. I've waited _years_ for Alice to finally come back to Underland over, and over again. Now waiting to just _talk_ about her is driving me incredibly bonkers. I'm not sure which is worse: Talking about my feelings, or waiting to talk about them.

I finally tell myself enough with the silence and speak to my father, "Just say it father."

"Hmm? Did you say something my boy? I didn't catch that." He's trying to act dumb in this moment. My father is many things: A great hatter, sophisticated, clever and cunning, but not dumb.

I roll my eyes with his attempts to make me speak more and say, "Just tell me what you want to say. Tell me I should tell Alice the truth. Tell me I should just tell her everything and get it out of the way already."

It's silent for a few moments. I turn my head to look at my father and he's staring at me again. Staring at me with his famous closed smile. He looks down at the ground once, then back to me. He whispers loud enough that I can only hear, "My boy, I'm not going to tell you what you must and mustn't do. But I would be a bad father, if I didn't tell you the truth."

This conversation now peaks my interest. I sit up on my elbows and wait for him to continue. He sighs to himself again, then moves over to face me. "Did I ever tell you about how I met your mother?"

"No, I don't believe you did."

He laughs deeply then starts his story, "It was before the time of King Oleron. I believe he was still a prince at the time. Your grandfather was his hatter and I was next in line to be the hatter for the crown-" _Hightopps have always been the hatters for the crown._ "-anyway, one night when I was sewing a hat in my fathers, your grandfathers, work shop. I look up and see the strangest thing."

"Strangest things are the best things."

He laughs deeply again at my comment. "Yes they are my boy, but this strange thing had over twenty hats stacked on top of each other. Green hats, yellow hats, fezzes, and bowlers. That's not even the strangest thing though. The strangest thing was that a women was holding them and coming straight to our work shop."

"Mother?"

He nod his head and smiles fondly at the memory. "Yes, your mother. She came into the shop and threw them all down right on the table. I was so surprised, I couldn't even think of what to say. I was even more surprised that this little dainty girl that held all those hat, was one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. She eventually saw me staring at her, quite frankly I was jaw dropped, and told me something I'll never forget."

He stared out into the distance like he could picture the scene in front of him. "What was it? Don't keep me waiting father," I sounded like a child waiting on the answer to a mystery.

"She said to me, _are you just going to sit there and stare, or are you going to help me set up these hats._ It wasn't until later that I found out my father, and her father decided to combine their load of the hat work. Hats were still very big back then."

This is a very nice story, but I don't understand how this is supposed to help me at all. I still don't want to tell Alice any of my feelings, but then my father continued, "I fell for your mother the moment I saw her. I fell so hard, I nearly dropped all the hats I was helping her sort. It wasn't until month after that moment that I finally had the courage to tell her how I felt. Do you want to know why told her?" I nodded my head. It didn't feel like a good time to use words. "I told her because if I didn't she would have married another."

I sat right up and practically yelled, "What! My mother, was going to marry someone else?"

My father just laughed at me. Laughed and smiled at my reaction. When he finally subsided his laugher he answered me, "Yes, my boy. Your mother got purposed to by a shoe sales man! Can you imagine that? A hatters daughter and a shoe sales man? Well, that's just not right. To be completely honest, I got jealous. I got so jealous, that I told her my feeling on the night before her wedding." My eyes go wide with my fathers confession. "Yes, I know. Not very proper, now is it? But the point is, even with all the time I spent not telling her, I should have just told her. Do you want to know what she told me after I confessed?" I rapidly nodded my head. This story is bonkers but in the best way. "She told me, _Zanik what took you so long? I've been waiting forever for you to tell me!_ And that's how I found out she felt the same way. The only reason she was going to marry the shoe salesman is because she didn't think I would ever have the courage to ask her to marry me, myself."

The completion of the story is wonderful. I'm so glad my father was confident enough to tell mother his feelings. Otherwise I would probably not been born. This is a great story, but I still don't understand what he's trying to say and I tell him as such. "This is all great father, but I don't understand why you're telling me this."

My father leans in closely to me. He whispers again just so I can hear, "Are you willing to never tell Alice your feelings, even if there's a chance that she may feel the same way? Are you willing to not tell her until she marries another, and then you don't even get a chance?"

I breath through my nose in frustration. I never even thought about that before now. It's a new thing for my madness to curse me with. 

_My Alice... with someone else._

_My Alice... loving someone else._

I squeeze my eyes shut to try to stop the thoughts. I can't think about that, It's hurts too much. Too much, too much. My father must of realized I didn't have the muchness to answer right now because after that he walked back over to the bandersnatch. He left me there to think about everything. Everything I feel, and everything I _could_ have had. Everything that could still me mine.

But, what if Alice does find another person? Will I be like my father, and wait till the last second to tell her? _I'm nothing like my father._ Those words I said so long ago ring in my head. It's true, I'm nothing like my father. I maybe a hatter, but everything about my life is different from his. For starters I'm in love with a yellowed haired lass that's been taken by a _blood black witch._

If what my father says is possible, and there is nothing impossible about it, then when would be the right time? Better yet, what if I already lost that chance?


End file.
